Rise and Shine party people!! The Weekend is finally over and time to get your work week on!! I read somewhere that if you say something bad with a positive attitude that it takes away some of the negative connotations...no? Oh well.
Lets face it, Monday is here and he's a filthy sonovabitch.
The good news? My procrastination does have some benefits, and I'm here for you to help kick the week off right!! So grab that coffee, pretend to be busy and enjoy!
For those of you that still have a dog in the hunt or just plain love the game, the AFC & NFC Championship Games were last night. One game was an epic match up of Two Future Hall-of Fame-ers that capped of one of the most storied rivalries NFL History. The other...not so much. We'll touch on the latter 1st.
PANTHERS vs CARDNIALS
In a rematch of last year's NFC Wild Card game, Carson Palmer and his crew traveled to Carolina to seek revenge on last years devastating 27-16 loss to the Panthers. Unfortunately, they met a much, much worse fate. Palmer, channeling his inner Bengal, threw just 1 TD, four interceptions (some of which resulted in TDs for Carolina) and lost two fumbles in the embarrassing 49-15 spanking Arizona endured. (In contrast, Superman aka 2015 NFL MVP Cam Newton had 2 passing TDs, and 1 Rushing TD)
BRONCOS vs PATRIOTS
Epic Battle of Good vs Evil. Steroids vs Scandals. Five-Head vs Cry Brady. In their 17th battle, the two Greats met in Denver to settle the score once more (hopefully). Historically, Brady has made Peyton his bitch - winning 11-5 previous match ups...which makes you wonder how is this called a rivalry? But in reality, most of those wins were in Foxboro, MA and gave Brady the home field advantage. In Denver? Brady's record heading in was 2-5 (one of those losses was by the Brock-et Launcher, Mr Osweiler). I think you get the gist - these two gots beef.
Regardless of history, once that big headed bastard hit the field it was go time. The once frail, broken, 39 year old shell of a QB came out re-surged with the fight and vigor of a young, headstrong 37 year old. A back and forth struggle from start to finish - the game came down to 2 deciding moments: Pats Kicker Stephen Gostkowski missing a crucial extra point in the 1st quarter...and Old Man HGH making a break for it on 3rd down in the 3rd quarter. Grandpa sprinted on a 12-yard scramble - his longest playoff run since he was a rookie. The scramble didn't change anything, but it was pretty amazing to see.
In the end, The Denver D was too much for Brady to handle, despite an amazing 2 minute drill and a historic Gronkowski grab in the final minutes to put the game within 2 points. Unable to get the 2 point conversion, the game did NOT go into Overtime, and the Patriots did NOT find a way to win, falling 20-18. (see how that missed extra point came back to be important?) Manning wins the final battle, bending Brady over his knee and spanking him like the bitch he is.
CAGE MATCH: The Nightmare Continues...
This week's Match led me head-to-head with the fondly remembered, crowd favorite 1997 Action/Adventure - unintentional Comedy(?) Face/Off. At first glance this may not fit prior Cage Match criteria - The Academy Award Nominated Film (seriously...for Special Effects, but still) does claim a 7.3/10 on IMDB. It even won some "awards" (MTV Movie Awards for Best Actors Cage & Travolta). But nostalgia aside, the movie is a Classic Cage Cheese fest. This is LITERALLY the opening scene:
In classic cat-and-mouse cop-criminal relationship, Cage and Travolta FACE OFF not once, not twice but like 10 times throughout the movie. And in a strange twist, and clever play on words, Cage (the bad guy) and Travolta (the good guy) undergo a surgery that literally takes their FACES OFF!!! As you can imagine, hilarity ensues. 1/2 the movie you're watching Cage do his best over-acting impression of Travolta's overacting. And vice-versa. It really is a hoot.
All in all, as ridiculous as the movie plot is (take a second and google Face Transplants, take a good hard look and tell me again that this is a "great" movie) it does have a lot of fun moments. Great, unbelievable action sequences, horribly cheesy B-movie style plot, and two of the greatest over-actors of our generation.
FUN FACT: No special effects were used to enlarge Travolta's abnormally large head, he just really has a Manning-Sized Mellon.
The movie starts as a Cage -Rage Tour-de-Force. When Cage is the villain, he is awesome and classic-bat-shit-crazy Cage. Unfortunately it doesn't last long enough and he's regulated into the cry-baby hero-with a heart role and is just meh. 3/5 Cage Rages
Yawn. Least Favorite Cage Cut Ever 1.5/5 Cage Cuts
Sci-Fy Channel plot, incredible lack of understanding of the human body and amazingly unbelievable - but entertaining as hell. The Entertainment value moved the Seriousness up a couple notches - 2.5/5 Serious Cages
Once again, the hair disappoints, and not nearly enough Cage-Worthy moments despite a strong start. But definitely stands the test of time and is still just stupid Cage fun. 3/5 on the Cage-tastic Meter.
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY
Hold on to your pocket protectors, the future is now Nerds!! And that future? TELEPORTATION!! The big brains over at Purdue University, claim to have figured out what Star Trek pretended to do on tv. Well, kind of.
Potential Supervillian and most-likely Asian scientist Tongcang Li explains: "We propose a straightforward method to put a microorganism in two places at the same time, and provide a scheme to teleport the quantum state of a microorganism," Going further saying that hopefully his "unconventional work will inspire more people to think seriously about quantum teleportation of a microorganism and its potential applications in the future." In dumb-dumb terms, they haven't exactly figured out how to "Beam" anyone up, but they claim they can transfer consciousness between microorganisms...in theory...on a quantum level.....but probably can't prove it.
At least I think that's what it said. There weren't Cliff's Notes. Yay Science!!
GO MEDIEVAL on YOUR ASS
For the better part of a Century, the Russians have been in an Epic pissing contest with the US. We Build a bomb - they build a bomb. We fund despotic dictators in Iraq, they fund despotic dictators in Iran. We invent Rocky Balboa, they invent Ivan Drago. The list goes on and on.. Well now they may have officially out-crazy'd the crazies. We have L.A.R.P.ing (Live Action Role Playing) & now they have the M-1 MMA Medieval fighting circuit.
***Before we go further, incase you have not seen the wonder that is L.A.R.P.ing, its a spectacle to be seen. Virgins gather in public parks dressed as Wizards, dwarves or whatever and battle out their sexual frustrations as seen in the movie Role Models, and here in REAL LIFE:
FILL MY HOLES
By now I'm sure you all aware of the anonymous, socially conscious, renegade street artist Banksy. And some of you may have heard of the lesser known Hanksy - anonymous graffiti artist that parodies works of Banksy by replacing them with the face of actor Tom Hanks. Well those guys were cool, but they're too mainstream for me. I prefer the works of the new Socially conscious, Renegade Street Artist on the scene - Wanksy.
Wanksy is a one man army, fighting the tyranny and bureaucratic bullshit of local government. How? By drawing Penises on Potholes of course. Basically he's enraging City Council officials through his tastefully phallic designs, and forcing them to make repairs to roads they would normally ignore. He sees a street injustice, draws a dick, and it usually either gets noticed, reported, or repaired immediately.
According to his website, this freedom fighter is "Making the world a better place, one pothole at a time."If there were no potholes I wouldn’t draw on anything...The road is my canvas. "
This. Guy. Rocks.
MEME of THE WEEK
FAME of The WEEK
My Lovely, Bad-ass, Better Half!!
Besides dealing with the stresses and joys of the being pregnant with our Baby Girl Avery AND taking care of me through the ups and downs of my stupid dead liver, Nicole gets the coveted Fame of The Week for another reason. On the heels of her 12th anniversary with Insight Global, Nicole just crushed another milestone with her company - breaking $60K in spread per week, becoming the 1st Account Manager in the Atlanta Office to hit this milestone and becoming the #4 Overall Salesperson in her entire company (which happens to be the 3rd largest IT staffing firm in America). She also just hit the $2 Million Dollar Club, a goal she's been chasing for longer than I've known her. In layman's terms - she's bringing in some Big $$ for this Big company, and making it look easy.
**To put it in perspective, 6 months ago she was at $30K in spread...which was an all time high for her career at the time. Since then she has doubled her success and production, all without losing her mind and killing me in the process.**
Now if it sounds like I'm bragging about my wife a bit, and putting her on a pedestal - truth be told I am. I do this because she won't. She is too humble, and entirely too modest. She would be the last person to tell you these things happened. And the fact is, Nicole is the most amazing and inspiring person I've ever met. She's beautiful, kind, generous and loving - while being focused, motivated, and goal oriented. She brings out the best in all she meets, and makes me want to be a better person every day.
Congrats again on the HUGE Milestone Baby!! I am so proud of all you are and all you do!!
SHAME of The WEEK
One of the many "perks" of my dead liver is the constant game of Tummy-Tango I play on a daily fucking basis. For the most part I eat right and do my best to stay healthy. However every once in when I'm feeling well, I get a bit cocky and stray a bit from my new normal and eat a little recklessly. So was the case Saturday night.
The scene - Casa de Bundy. The Meal - Turkey Tacos. My downfall - approximately 3 tablespoons of Sriracha .
Despite my obvious Irish heritage, I am a huge fan of all things spicy - especially of the Hot Sauce variety. Well long story short, I may have been a bit overzealous in the condiment department and poured on more than I should stomach. To be honest, some one with out my prior restrictions should not have dared dance with.
Long story even longer - after a long sweat induced night of minimal sleep in fear of Phantom -Pooping the Bundy guest bedroom, I managed to keep my successfully keep my bowels at bay and not stain their pretty white bedsheets. Crisis Averted (Allegedly)
How did I fare the rest of the day? Let's just say I've been a Gambling man all day. No comment on the outcome.
Well that's enough sharing for me this week. Thanks for sticking around and hope you found a chuckle or two.
As always, any comments, jokes, feedback, suggestions or Cage Match recommendations are welcome below (You should comment, all the cool kids are doing it). If you like what you read, tell your friends. If not, don't - and just delete your browser history so you don't have to see this nonsense again (if you're unsure how, just ask you husband/boyfriend).
Thanks again, have a great day & a wonderful Week!!