Good Morning & Happy Friday Friends!!
Rise and Shine friends and family - the end of the week is here and I'm back to bother you with a few early morning chuckles.
Thanks for clicking on over this fine Friday morning. For those religious types out there - Happy Good Friday!! For the rest of you heathens, Happy regular Friday!! Regardless of your feelings on the matter, one thing we can all agree on is that the Week is finally over, and time to have a little much needed "me" time.
Rise and Shine friends and family - the end of the week is here and I'm back to bother you with a few early morning chuckles.
Thanks for clicking on over this fine Friday morning. For those religious types out there - Happy Good Friday!! For the rest of you heathens, Happy regular Friday!! Regardless of your feelings on the matter, one thing we can all agree on is that the Week is finally over, and time to have a little much needed "me" time.
Some of you may have noticed that it's been about a month since the last edition of the "Weekly Ramblings" - and I have been a wee bit lazy. To be honest though, I have been very busy picking the wrong teams in numerous March Madness Brackets and spending way to much time arguing with myself while listening to Talk Radio. Basically I have turned into a grumpy old man over night and I might be going crazy, Anywhoo - back to business, figured it was time to crawl out of my hole and send a few memes your way. I'll try not to shove too much of my nonsense down your throats this morning - I'll ease it in nice and slow. Yea, that's right. Things are gonna get weird.
SPORTS SCHMORTS
Still no football.
That's it. Except March Madness - but f*ck that nonsense. My brackets busted by the end of the 1st round. Stupid Michigan State.
That's it. Except March Madness - but f*ck that nonsense. My brackets busted by the end of the 1st round. Stupid Michigan State.
For those of you still in it at this point...Good for you, turn on a tv and get your updates there. I'm not bitter, I'm just an extremely jealous person. And a bit bitter. I'll give a run-down next time, right now I'm over it.
The good news is, NFL Draft Day is less than a month away so there's something for me to look forward to...sigh.
The good news is, NFL Draft Day is less than a month away so there's something for me to look forward to...sigh.
MOVIE MADNESS
Today is a very special day for me and millions of Nerds across the world - BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN DAY!!!! I'll let you all in on a little secret: I'm kind of a Batman fan. I know, it may be shocking to you all - but I have an unhealthy, full blown man-crush addiction to all things The Dark Knight. And I may have been dreaming of this movie since I was just a pint sized-burden in my mother's eyes. If you have been paying attention to Social Media, the Movie is being bent over and severely violated by critics but lauded universally by fans. I ain't scared though - got a nice little date tonight with my patient and ever-embarrassed wife and the Bundies to see my childhood hero on the Big IMAX Screen fight that douche nozzle Superman. And then again on Sunday with my nerdy brotha-from-another-motha Aron. So yea, big plans for me this weekend.
CAGE MATCH!!!
BANGKOK DANGEROUS
Against the better judgement and advice of my Wife, I have NOT thrown in the towel yet - although these Cage Matches are slowly crushing my soul. This weeks battle pitted me agains Bangkok Dangerous - another Cage "Classic" that suspends reality and does it's best to convince the audience that Cage can be an Action hero. The film boasts an incredibly accurate 9% on Rotten Tomatoes, and and very generous 5.4/10 on IMDB. Cage plays Joe - another killer with a heart of cold in this horrible remake of a horrible 1999 movie of the same name...and same directors the Pang Brothers. In the original film, the main character was a deaf hitman. In this incarnation, Cage's Joe isn't physically handicapped - unless the oil-smothered sea mammal of a hairpiece on his forever growing forehead counts as a disfigurement. He lives his life by four very important, untreatable rules:
Against the better judgement and advice of my Wife, I have NOT thrown in the towel yet - although these Cage Matches are slowly crushing my soul. This weeks battle pitted me agains Bangkok Dangerous - another Cage "Classic" that suspends reality and does it's best to convince the audience that Cage can be an Action hero. The film boasts an incredibly accurate 9% on Rotten Tomatoes, and and very generous 5.4/10 on IMDB. Cage plays Joe - another killer with a heart of cold in this horrible remake of a horrible 1999 movie of the same name...and same directors the Pang Brothers. In the original film, the main character was a deaf hitman. In this incarnation, Cage's Joe isn't physically handicapped - unless the oil-smothered sea mammal of a hairpiece on his forever growing forehead counts as a disfigurement. He lives his life by four very important, untreatable rules:
- Don't ask questions - because there is no such thing as right and wrong
- Trust noone
- Erase every Trace
- Know when to get out
CAGE RAGE
This was a snooze fest by amazing standards. For a hitman he didn't even seem to get angry...or crazy. I actually feel betrayed. 1/5 Cage Raginess
This was a snooze fest by amazing standards. For a hitman he didn't even seem to get angry...or crazy. I actually feel betrayed. 1/5 Cage Raginess
CAGE CUT
Now here is where he really shined. This thing was everything you wanted in a creepy Cage cut. In slow moments, I swear you could see it still breathing up there. He broken into Mullet territory with this one, and I will say it was worth it. 4/5 Cagey Cuts
Now here is where he really shined. This thing was everything you wanted in a creepy Cage cut. In slow moments, I swear you could see it still breathing up there. He broken into Mullet territory with this one, and I will say it was worth it. 4/5 Cagey Cuts
PLOT
The movie was over before it started. The only thing slower than the plot was his fight scenes and running. Seriously, the guy looked like he was gonna break a hip for 98% of the film. Another Hour & 1/2 of my life I'll never get back. 1/5 Believability
The movie was over before it started. The only thing slower than the plot was his fight scenes and running. Seriously, the guy looked like he was gonna break a hip for 98% of the film. Another Hour & 1/2 of my life I'll never get back. 1/5 Believability
OVERALL CAGINESS
The only saving grace was the spectacular Cage Cut he was sporting atop that Five-Head of his. 2/5 on the Caginess The Scale
The only saving grace was the spectacular Cage Cut he was sporting atop that Five-Head of his. 2/5 on the Caginess The Scale
MESSIAHS AND ZOMBIES AND BUNNIES - Oh MY!!!!
So as mentioned earlier, today is Good Friday. For those of you who are destined for a Stairway to Heaven and a happy-ever-after in the after life eternal, it's the day Jesus, the Son of God was crucified by a bunch of dicks for spreading his message of peace love and socialism. He then died, was buried, and after 3 days rose again to save the world. For those of you on a highway to Hell who live in sin and don't practice Christianity, it's when a man named Jesus defeated Death and became the original Zombie King. And that is Easter in a nutshell. Plus Eggs, Bunnies, Baskets and candies. Don't remember where they were entwined in the Bible but I'm sure it's in there.
Or not. The Bible actually makes no mention of a long-eared, short-tailed creature who delivers decorated eggs to well-behaved children on the Sunday the Lord has Risen; nevertheless, the Easter bunny has become a prominent symbol of Christianity’s most important holiday. Ever wonder why? If so then allow me to spill some knowledge on your in-informed ass. (If not, tough - I'm going to tell you always).
Easter, the Bunny, and the eggs - while they may all seem random, they do all actually intertwine. While the exact origins of this mythical mammal are unclear, rabbits (who are known to be prolific procreators) are an ancient symbol of fertility and new life. As far as the eggs? Well that directly has to do with the name of the Holiday. The word “Easter” traces back to the German fertility goddess Eostra, (who in some traditions was even associated with hares) However, more and more scholars think it may have come from a Norse word for “spring,” which in the Germanized form is ostern. What is clear is that various symbols for fertility—eggs, rabbits - were symbols of high regard for godless Pagans to symbolize the rebirth of spring. So with the right marketing and a little work, Christianity adopted their symbols of fertility along with the Death and resurrection of Christ in a way to appear more welcoming to those heathens.
In the end, the Easter bunny has nothing to do with Jesus directly. There is nothing in the Bible or Christian tradition that links the two together. Yet still, the “pagan” associations of the hare and rabbit with fertility, life, death, and rebirth remained near enough to the cultural surface to find expression alongside the powerful religious claim that Jesus had conquered death.
As for why we paint & hide them? No fucking clue. But it makes the kids happy.
Or not. The Bible actually makes no mention of a long-eared, short-tailed creature who delivers decorated eggs to well-behaved children on the Sunday the Lord has Risen; nevertheless, the Easter bunny has become a prominent symbol of Christianity’s most important holiday. Ever wonder why? If so then allow me to spill some knowledge on your in-informed ass. (If not, tough - I'm going to tell you always).
Easter, the Bunny, and the eggs - while they may all seem random, they do all actually intertwine. While the exact origins of this mythical mammal are unclear, rabbits (who are known to be prolific procreators) are an ancient symbol of fertility and new life. As far as the eggs? Well that directly has to do with the name of the Holiday. The word “Easter” traces back to the German fertility goddess Eostra, (who in some traditions was even associated with hares) However, more and more scholars think it may have come from a Norse word for “spring,” which in the Germanized form is ostern. What is clear is that various symbols for fertility—eggs, rabbits - were symbols of high regard for godless Pagans to symbolize the rebirth of spring. So with the right marketing and a little work, Christianity adopted their symbols of fertility along with the Death and resurrection of Christ in a way to appear more welcoming to those heathens.
In the end, the Easter bunny has nothing to do with Jesus directly. There is nothing in the Bible or Christian tradition that links the two together. Yet still, the “pagan” associations of the hare and rabbit with fertility, life, death, and rebirth remained near enough to the cultural surface to find expression alongside the powerful religious claim that Jesus had conquered death.
As for why we paint & hide them? No fucking clue. But it makes the kids happy.
MEME of the WEEK
SHAME of the WEEK
Racist Hitler Loving Teenage Twitter Robots
Earlier this week Microsoft unveiled upon the world and Twitter Tay - an Artificial Intelligence System that was supposed to learn how to speak like your average teenage girl. The idea was that Tay was going to be taught entirely from her interactions with other people on the internet. It was a huge PR push by Microsoft to show how advanced AI has become and to brag a bit on how awesome they were. Well once again, the Internet proved why we can't have nice things - because in less than a day the Internet, Twitter and angry trolls in basements everywhere turned her into a sex-fiending political conspiracy theorist with a soft spot for Adolf Hitler. Her corruption was quick and highlight in a few tweets here:
Earlier this week Microsoft unveiled upon the world and Twitter Tay - an Artificial Intelligence System that was supposed to learn how to speak like your average teenage girl. The idea was that Tay was going to be taught entirely from her interactions with other people on the internet. It was a huge PR push by Microsoft to show how advanced AI has become and to brag a bit on how awesome they were. Well once again, the Internet proved why we can't have nice things - because in less than a day the Internet, Twitter and angry trolls in basements everywhere turned her into a sex-fiending political conspiracy theorist with a soft spot for Adolf Hitler. Her corruption was quick and highlight in a few tweets here:
But lucky for everyone involved, Microsoft immediately corrected the issue and no more harm was done.
Just Kidding - things got WAY WORSE, attacking minorities, advocating concentration camps and genocide, using the N* word nonchalantly and getting way to horny for a Twitter bot her age...
Just Kidding - things got WAY WORSE, attacking minorities, advocating concentration camps and genocide, using the N* word nonchalantly and getting way to horny for a Twitter bot her age...
This last one was the nail in the coffin and Microsoft FINALLY decided to pull the plug on creepy little embarrassment before she could go ahead and endorse Trump.
FAME of the WEEK
ME
While normally I have the Shame of the Week on lockdown, I'm gonna go ahead and toot my own horn for a minute here and give myself a hard earned Fame of the Week. See 4 years ago today when my beautiful wife was out of town on work, I decided to go out to get shit-faced with my next door neighbor and new friend who knows who he is. Truth be told, I was looking forward to chilling with him because we're instantly like brothers from another mother - kindred spirits. And I'm always in favor of a solid bromance. Now I won't get into too many specifics because his is not my story to tell, but that night changed my life. He and I had a lot more in common than our sense of humor and taste in movies. He and I shared similar stories of self-medication, battling with addiction, and unending cycles of bad decisions, bad choices and the legal troubles that follow with drinking your problems away. That night I found the courage to put the bottle down and get my life back. That night I finally realized the answers I had been searching for in the bottom of so many bottles were not there. I had been running from my problems and hurting my family, friends and ones I loved - especially Nicole - along the way. So that night I made a decision that it was time to grow up Peter Pan. I didn't finish the beer in my hand for the first time in over 12 years since my mother's death, And I haven't picked it up since.
I do apologize if this comes off preachy, but that night changed and saved my life. Since I made that decision, I've finally become the man I believe my mom believed I could be, the man the Nicole deserves, the father my daughter will need me to be and someone I'm proud to see when I look in the mirror. So tomorrow morning marks my 4 year anniversary of sobriety and I just wanted to thank everyone in my life for all the love and support you have shown me over the last few years. I would not be here today without any of you. Especially Nicole - thank you so much for being by my side through all the ups and downs, struggles and health issues, and just overall bullshit I put you through. I am truly blessed in this life.
Oh, and to my good buddy - you know who you are, and thank you for changing my life. I am forever in your debt.
While normally I have the Shame of the Week on lockdown, I'm gonna go ahead and toot my own horn for a minute here and give myself a hard earned Fame of the Week. See 4 years ago today when my beautiful wife was out of town on work, I decided to go out to get shit-faced with my next door neighbor and new friend who knows who he is. Truth be told, I was looking forward to chilling with him because we're instantly like brothers from another mother - kindred spirits. And I'm always in favor of a solid bromance. Now I won't get into too many specifics because his is not my story to tell, but that night changed my life. He and I had a lot more in common than our sense of humor and taste in movies. He and I shared similar stories of self-medication, battling with addiction, and unending cycles of bad decisions, bad choices and the legal troubles that follow with drinking your problems away. That night I found the courage to put the bottle down and get my life back. That night I finally realized the answers I had been searching for in the bottom of so many bottles were not there. I had been running from my problems and hurting my family, friends and ones I loved - especially Nicole - along the way. So that night I made a decision that it was time to grow up Peter Pan. I didn't finish the beer in my hand for the first time in over 12 years since my mother's death, And I haven't picked it up since.
I do apologize if this comes off preachy, but that night changed and saved my life. Since I made that decision, I've finally become the man I believe my mom believed I could be, the man the Nicole deserves, the father my daughter will need me to be and someone I'm proud to see when I look in the mirror. So tomorrow morning marks my 4 year anniversary of sobriety and I just wanted to thank everyone in my life for all the love and support you have shown me over the last few years. I would not be here today without any of you. Especially Nicole - thank you so much for being by my side through all the ups and downs, struggles and health issues, and just overall bullshit I put you through. I am truly blessed in this life.
Oh, and to my good buddy - you know who you are, and thank you for changing my life. I am forever in your debt.
The END
Well once again, I think I've over-rambled my welcome. Thank you all for wasting a few minutes with me this morning. Sorry if things got a bit serious at the end there. And I hope I didn't offend anyone TOOO much this week.
As always - please feel free to comment and joke away below (c'mon, do it - all the cool kids are). If you have any suggestions, opinions, observations or ideas for future Cage Matches or things you want to see covered, please let me know below. If you absolutely hated everything you read and I just ruined your Friday...sorry? Not really, but I hope you had fun.
Jokes aside, I hope everyone has a fun, safe, and wonderful holiday weekend with the ones you love. Hopefully this nonsense was able to brighten your day - even if just a little bit.
Have a Good Friday, a Great Easter Weekend, and as always - Go Noles (and Batman)!!!
As always - please feel free to comment and joke away below (c'mon, do it - all the cool kids are). If you have any suggestions, opinions, observations or ideas for future Cage Matches or things you want to see covered, please let me know below. If you absolutely hated everything you read and I just ruined your Friday...sorry? Not really, but I hope you had fun.
Jokes aside, I hope everyone has a fun, safe, and wonderful holiday weekend with the ones you love. Hopefully this nonsense was able to brighten your day - even if just a little bit.
Have a Good Friday, a Great Easter Weekend, and as always - Go Noles (and Batman)!!!
