Good Morning & Happy Friday!!
Rise and Shine Party People!! It's been a long week and you finally made it to Friday - so congrats on that!! You only have to sit through 8 more grueling hours of working for "the Man" before you can get to what's really important - The Weekend!! Almost time to get your Sexy-back, and party your little ass off. Or maybe have some much needed "me" time - whatever floats your boat!!
Rise and Shine Party People!! It's been a long week and you finally made it to Friday - so congrats on that!! You only have to sit through 8 more grueling hours of working for "the Man" before you can get to what's really important - The Weekend!! Almost time to get your Sexy-back, and party your little ass off. Or maybe have some much needed "me" time - whatever floats your boat!!
I appreciate all of you deciding to click on over here today and start your morning off with my semi-coherent thoughts. I will warn you a head of time though - this may be a bit longer of an Edition compared to the last 2 weeks...The Ramble is strong with this one.
With that in mind, I'll keep this intro brief at least - and I'll try not to stray too much from topic, but I make no promises!!
I think that's enough small talk for now - Time to sit back, grab a cup o'joe or 2 and dive head first into this edition's non-sense. Thanks and enjoy!
SPORTS REPORT
FOOTBALL
Still not here. Goddamnit.
Good news though - the Draft is only 2 weeks away!!
Good news though - the Draft is only 2 weeks away!!
The MADNESS of MARCH!!
MEN's Championship: UNC vs Villanova
This past week concluded the NCAA Basketball Championships. Just to re-cap, I didn't really care about the tournament for a couple reasons:
This past week concluded the NCAA Basketball Championships. Just to re-cap, I didn't really care about the tournament for a couple reasons:
- My brackets (plural) all busted by 12 noon Sat on the 1st weekend of the Tourney
- If I am not directly involved or benefiting I don't really care.
- The only thing worse than watching March Madness after you bust your bracket is hearing others talk about their great brackets.
With that in mind, I really half-assed it this year and only caught a couple games here ad there...except for the Championship game. This year's main event saw the highly favored UNC Tarheels face off against the Villanova Wildcats - a team that was such a long shot that not even the fans thought they deserved to be there, Friend of the Corner and notable Villanova Alum and Mark "The Grinder" Gannon was quoted as saying "No true Nova fan would have them in the Final Four - unless they don't care about their bracket".
It was Tarheel against Wildcat. Roy Williams vs Jay Wright. Lovable Grandpa versus JC Penny Men's Fall Catalog Model. Team Hunsucker head to head with Team Gannon. An intense rivalry that no one expected and hardly anyone actually wanted (unless you went to school there.
UNC kept Villanova on it's toes for the 1st half - but the second half they were in constant reactionary mode trying to keep up with the Wildcats. It was an intense back and forth for a bit until UNC fell a bit too far behind it had seemed. Trailing 74-71 with 9.4 seconds left on the clock, UNC had the ball and needed a miracle 3 pointer to tie the game... And sometimes miracles do come true...
...And sometimes fate is a cruel bitch. Unfortunately for UNC it was the latter. Despite the epic shot to tie the game, Villanova came right back to crush their hopes and dreams of adding another title to their illustrious trophy case of 5 previous National Championships. 2016 has not been kind to the Carolinas...
FUN FACT #1: This was the 2nd Championship for Villanova, their last one being 31 years ago in 1985. In that 31 year drought they only had 1 other Final Four appearance in 2009.
FUN FACT#2: My sister Elizabeth correctly predicted that Villanova would win. She is 12. My father and I were both out Saturday morning the 1st weekend of the tournament. Yeah.
WOMEN's Championship: UCONN vs Syracuse
While I did not fill out a bracket, I did actually watch the Women's National Championship as well. Mostly because my dad went to UConn and their Husky ladies are one of the most dominating dynasty's in NCAA history. Before you get all up in arms, their mascot is a Husky (you know, like the dog) and I wasn't calling the women fat. :)
UConn easily routed Syracuse 82-51 in a more boring than average game this past Tuesday night. With this win, UCONN Women earned an unprecedented fourth straight national championship - bringing their grand total up to an impressive 11 titles (helping the Huskies tie the UCLA Bruins Men's Basketball team - the only other team with such an impressive record.)
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL?? More Like MAJOR LEAGUE BORING (am I right?)
This past Monday marked Opening Day for the MLB. Baseball's back and it's better than ever! Or not. Not sure really - I don't really follow the game too much. But I do know that this opening season is the LAST Season the Braves will have at Turner Field (or "the Ted" as the kids are calling it...I think).
So this past Monday, with the an shining and our Braves gear on, Super-fan Chris Skins and I wandered on down to catch the start of the farewell to "the Ted" Tour. While I still stand firm that is the 7th most exciting sport behind Curling - I will say it was a good time hanging out in the sun, getting some bro-time & watching the home team shit the bed in extra innings (oh yea, they lost). Thanks again Chris!!
FUN FACT#1: Skins has been to EVERY Braves Home Opener at Turner Field since 1997. Pretty damn impressive, regardless of the sport.
FUN FACT #2: When your team is pitching a no hitter is basically you paying to watch 2 men play catch for a couple hours.
So this past Monday, with the an shining and our Braves gear on, Super-fan Chris Skins and I wandered on down to catch the start of the farewell to "the Ted" Tour. While I still stand firm that is the 7th most exciting sport behind Curling - I will say it was a good time hanging out in the sun, getting some bro-time & watching the home team shit the bed in extra innings (oh yea, they lost). Thanks again Chris!!
FUN FACT#1: Skins has been to EVERY Braves Home Opener at Turner Field since 1997. Pretty damn impressive, regardless of the sport.
FUN FACT #2: When your team is pitching a no hitter is basically you paying to watch 2 men play catch for a couple hours.
MOVIE TIME
CAGE MATCH: ACTION EDITION
THE ROCK
I originally did not plan on reviewing this masterpiece of American Cinema - it is not only one of my favorite Action Movies of my childhood, but also combines the unlikely duo of Cage & Connery who make this movie oh so memorable. However, at the continuous request of my buddy Russ Gallogly I finally decided to tackle this mid 90's Classic and hopefully ruin it for the rest of you. The Rock boasts a 7.4/10 on IMDb and 66% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes - which is pretty high for a Cage film. The movie stars Nic Cage, Sean Connery, and Ed Harris - along with a special guest appearance by Nic Cage's natural hairline.
We'll start with the bad guys. Ed Harris plays Brigadeir General Francis X Hummell - a badass, no nonsense marine with a taste for Justice and a heart of Gold. He leads a team of angry muscles actors to steal a deadly amount of VX nerve Gas from a Naval Weapons Depot, take hostages at the impenetrable island prison of Alcatraz (aka THE ROCK) and then threaten the citizens of San Francisco with 16 rockets of the stuff. His demands? $100 million (which is higher than the films budget) from the Pentagon's Red Sea Trading Company fund (which is a slush fund of Blood Money the US apparently has from black arms weapons deals) so that he can give every family member of Soliders he led into battle on covert ops that died and weren't acknowledged. See? Heart of Gold.
But he wasn't always evil - he wouldn't do this if his wife were still alive. A point so important that the film makes sure you know understand that in the 1st 5 minutes as Harris visits her grave...This is an actually screenshot of that scene where it explains that it is HIS WIFE on the GRAVESTONE...(really sets the tone on the audience they're dealing with)
We'll start with the bad guys. Ed Harris plays Brigadeir General Francis X Hummell - a badass, no nonsense marine with a taste for Justice and a heart of Gold. He leads a team of angry muscles actors to steal a deadly amount of VX nerve Gas from a Naval Weapons Depot, take hostages at the impenetrable island prison of Alcatraz (aka THE ROCK) and then threaten the citizens of San Francisco with 16 rockets of the stuff. His demands? $100 million (which is higher than the films budget) from the Pentagon's Red Sea Trading Company fund (which is a slush fund of Blood Money the US apparently has from black arms weapons deals) so that he can give every family member of Soliders he led into battle on covert ops that died and weren't acknowledged. See? Heart of Gold.
But he wasn't always evil - he wouldn't do this if his wife were still alive. A point so important that the film makes sure you know understand that in the 1st 5 minutes as Harris visits her grave...This is an actually screenshot of that scene where it explains that it is HIS WIFE on the GRAVESTONE...(really sets the tone on the audience they're dealing with)
To be honest, nostalgia clouded how ridiculous this movie is. Much of the plot goes in line with the pic above, where Bay is spoon feeding the details to you as if we're too slow to figure it out. K But hey, it works. That, mixed in with the fact that the majority of the $70 million budget was spent on intense music that plays throughout 95% of the movie so that you know something really important is happening - as well as lots and lots of explosions - are one of the many reasons this is an almost perfect 90's Action Movie.
Back to the point - so General Angry pants has captured Alcatraz with his team of C-List mercenaries including Brutus "Brutal" Howell from The Greenmile, The Candyman..from the horror classic Candyman, Dr Cox from Scrubs and angry guy at the Burger Stand #1 in True Romance. So all these military men went rogue and now want to kill to prove a point. And THAT's where our Heroes come in...
With amazing casting, Cage plays lovable, douchey FBI Chemical Weapons expert Dr. Stanley Goodspeed - a self-proclaimed Beatlemaniac with a flare for the dramatic and a huge raging Mangina. But how, you may ask, does he get into Alcatraz if it's so impenetrable? Obviously with the help of THE ONLY PERSON to ever escape The Rock - Sean Connery of course!! Enter John Mason - the FBI's big dark secret. Connery plays a former SAS British Intelligence Operative that stole J Edgar Hoover's secret blackmail files 33 years ago, hid the file and was captured by the US Govt and locked away forever. Actual quote - "He's angry, he's highly trained, he's extremely dangerous, and the only chance we got!!" So basically he's the Boogeyman with a cool accent.
Speaking of great quotes, Cage steals the show with lines like: "What do you say we cut the chit-chat, a-hole?!?!"; singing "I'd take pleasure in gutting you, boy", and "You like Elton John's song the Rocket man? Cause that's you - you're the Rocket Man!! (As he launches a rocket into a guys' stomach).
And let's not forget my favorite line of any movie, ever:
Back to the point - so General Angry pants has captured Alcatraz with his team of C-List mercenaries including Brutus "Brutal" Howell from The Greenmile, The Candyman..from the horror classic Candyman, Dr Cox from Scrubs and angry guy at the Burger Stand #1 in True Romance. So all these military men went rogue and now want to kill to prove a point. And THAT's where our Heroes come in...
With amazing casting, Cage plays lovable, douchey FBI Chemical Weapons expert Dr. Stanley Goodspeed - a self-proclaimed Beatlemaniac with a flare for the dramatic and a huge raging Mangina. But how, you may ask, does he get into Alcatraz if it's so impenetrable? Obviously with the help of THE ONLY PERSON to ever escape The Rock - Sean Connery of course!! Enter John Mason - the FBI's big dark secret. Connery plays a former SAS British Intelligence Operative that stole J Edgar Hoover's secret blackmail files 33 years ago, hid the file and was captured by the US Govt and locked away forever. Actual quote - "He's angry, he's highly trained, he's extremely dangerous, and the only chance we got!!" So basically he's the Boogeyman with a cool accent.
Speaking of great quotes, Cage steals the show with lines like: "What do you say we cut the chit-chat, a-hole?!?!"; singing "I'd take pleasure in gutting you, boy", and "You like Elton John's song the Rocket man? Cause that's you - you're the Rocket Man!! (As he launches a rocket into a guys' stomach).
And let's not forget my favorite line of any movie, ever:
Long story longer - the unlikely duo ***SPOLIER ALERT** complete their mission against all odds, and not a single person was hurt!! Except for all the Navy Seals that helped Connery and Cag, and all of Ed Harris' crew. But besides that - happy ending!! And to cap it all off, Cage and his extremely hot and totally believable fiancé/baby momma ride off into a Kansas Sunset where they just robbed a church ad find out who killed JFK. The End...or the Begining of National Treasure. Either way - with all its absurdities this movie still stands the test of time and actually made the Cag match enjoyable.
CAGE RAGE:
Despite his character's nerdy nature, Cage definitely delivers the Rage here...it is a nerdy, mostly censored and pent-up aggression kind of Rage - but it's there. And his one-liners are on point!! 3/5 on the CAGE RAGE
CAGE CUT:
They don't win any points for creativity on this one. Overall really tame...However points are awarded for either a) Cage's courage to go as naturale or b) - he CGI was on point!! It really made believe he had hair and it was jumping off his scalp like it was on fire!!
2.5/5 on CAGE CUT
2.5/5 on CAGE CUT
PLOT/BELIEVABILITY:
Could a bunch of heavily armed Mercenary/Terrorists take control of a tourist attraction? Sure, why not. Could the day be saved by a douchey Chemical Expert with no field training with only the help of a 70 year old man that spent the last 40 in prison? Eh....Shakespeare this is not - however it is incredibly fun and totally enjoyable. So I give this one a very high 4/5 SERIOUS CAGES!!
OVERALL CAGE-INESS:
This movie is a classic - an American Treasure even...but unfortunately not what this project is about. Fell Short in the Cage Cut dept, but definitely made up for it in the Plot and ESPECIALLY the awful/amazing/corny dialogue. Solid 3/5 CAGE-NESS
HEADLINE NEWS
An AFFAIR to REMEMBER
Do you have trust issues? Think your partner may have a wandering eye? Worried your Teammate may be Tindering behind your back? Well wonder no longer - There's a new website that allows users to see if their partners, significant others, or what-have-yous are cheating on them using the dating app Tinder. The website, called Swipe Buster, claims to be able to find anyone's Tinder profile if you provide their first name, the city in which they last used Tinder, all for a small $4.99 fee!! It shows you all the profiles of people that match your criteria, and if your person is there, then boom - Problem Solved!! Or Started...either way you'll know for sure.
The site's creator (software marketing employee who wishes to remain anonymous for the obvious reason of avoiding death threats and hate mail from the unfaithful across the country) claims that the site wasn't actually his intention. He originally designed it for a different purpose altogether—to show people how much of their personal information is available online, and just how easy it is for that information to be located. But, since he fell backwards into this discovery, why not make a little money off exposing people's misery right? Ah, the American Dream is real.
So not only can you find out if you're partner is cheating, you can also find out how much personal information is out there. I'm sure this is up there on the list of 101 ways to ruin your day.
Do you have trust issues? Think your partner may have a wandering eye? Worried your Teammate may be Tindering behind your back? Well wonder no longer - There's a new website that allows users to see if their partners, significant others, or what-have-yous are cheating on them using the dating app Tinder. The website, called Swipe Buster, claims to be able to find anyone's Tinder profile if you provide their first name, the city in which they last used Tinder, all for a small $4.99 fee!! It shows you all the profiles of people that match your criteria, and if your person is there, then boom - Problem Solved!! Or Started...either way you'll know for sure.
The site's creator (software marketing employee who wishes to remain anonymous for the obvious reason of avoiding death threats and hate mail from the unfaithful across the country) claims that the site wasn't actually his intention. He originally designed it for a different purpose altogether—to show people how much of their personal information is available online, and just how easy it is for that information to be located. But, since he fell backwards into this discovery, why not make a little money off exposing people's misery right? Ah, the American Dream is real.
So not only can you find out if you're partner is cheating, you can also find out how much personal information is out there. I'm sure this is up there on the list of 101 ways to ruin your day.
I'M FUCKING BRILLIANT
Good news, shitheads!! All those assclowns who have been telling you for years that curse words are a sign of poor breeding, low intelligence, and a shitty command of the English language should shut their fucking mouths - because it turns out that eloquent swearing is merely a sign of a strong vocabulary!! Who knew? According to Scientific American, Society as a whole accepts the "poverty-of-vocabulary" (POV) hypothesis—the belief that douchebags who curse a lot do so because they don't have anything else to fucking say. The POV hypothesis claims that fuckers that curse too much aren't being creative—they're leaning on bad language like a crutch.
But thanks to Science (and a study by a bunch of nerds at Marist College and the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts) recent findings show that the POV hypothesis can go eat a big bowl of dicks, because it turns out that those who are more proficient in coming up with taboo words are also more verbally proficient in general.
How did they determine this? Well by giving some study participants a Controlled Word Association Test (COWAT), which is basically a way of judging how big a vocabulary those study assholes really had. Then the participants were asked to drop as many taboo words as possible—from "cunt" to "crackhead" to "clit"—in a minute. The results found that people with the most curses on the tips of their shit-eating tongues were less agreeable and conscientious and more neurotic than others (which seems pretty obvious). But the surprising finding was that generally, the more taboos they threw out, the more words they knew overall.
Despite this finding, the article also noted that, "Just because verbally fluent people have the ability to cuss with the best of them, does not mean that they will do so." So smart people might know 20 ways to tell someone to go suck a horse's cock, but they also presumably know how to moderate that shit based on circumstance and situation. Well Shit.
But thanks to Science (and a study by a bunch of nerds at Marist College and the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts) recent findings show that the POV hypothesis can go eat a big bowl of dicks, because it turns out that those who are more proficient in coming up with taboo words are also more verbally proficient in general.
How did they determine this? Well by giving some study participants a Controlled Word Association Test (COWAT), which is basically a way of judging how big a vocabulary those study assholes really had. Then the participants were asked to drop as many taboo words as possible—from "cunt" to "crackhead" to "clit"—in a minute. The results found that people with the most curses on the tips of their shit-eating tongues were less agreeable and conscientious and more neurotic than others (which seems pretty obvious). But the surprising finding was that generally, the more taboos they threw out, the more words they knew overall.
Despite this finding, the article also noted that, "Just because verbally fluent people have the ability to cuss with the best of them, does not mean that they will do so." So smart people might know 20 ways to tell someone to go suck a horse's cock, but they also presumably know how to moderate that shit based on circumstance and situation. Well Shit.
MEME of The WEEK
FAME of The WEEK
Team MusSins
This week's fame goes out to Pete The Muss-Bus and Chris "The One they call Skins". Two years ago when these fine gents devised a plan to incorporate our favorite things together in a Bro-Tastic, dudes only, Golf Tournament at some of the finer Golf courses Georgia has to offer. So while those Pro-Tour punks are ducking it out up in Disgusta GA at the Masters this weekend, we'll have our own Tournament - this year in the booming metropolis of Valdosta GA. We're talking 63 holes of shit talking, 3 putts and dynamic dude time with 20 "Athletes" spanning 3 days at the infamous Kinderlou Forrest Golf Club. With last year's tournament clouded in controversy as The MussBus flew in ringers and pretty much bought the championship, this will be the year of Redemption for Team Sins - and we'll be taking that trophy back!! Well, hopefully. Either way, it's destined to be a great time and all the credit goes to Skins & Muss-Bus for their hard work, planning, and competitive nature that helped birth this Great Atlanta Tradition. See you on the course boys!!
SHAME of The WEEK
This BatFan Right Here
Not sure if you all know this, but just two weeks ago a little Independent film called Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was released. And letting you in on a little secret, I'm kind of a big Batman fan. Maybe boarding on fanboy status...Just kidding, definitely crossed fanboy status years ago. Well if you HAVE heard of the film, you may have also heard that it has been absolutely annihilated by critics across the country - earning an embarrassingly Cage-sequel 29% on Rotten Tomatoes. Ouch. That being said, the fan response has been mostly positive. There are flaws and it is messy and confusing at times - but I loved it...I mean I liked it at first. Then I saw it again - and had a better appreciation for it. And, seeing as I have no self control and love me some Batman - I went again. So am I getting the Shame of the Week for seeing the movie 3 times in 2 weeks? No. I'm getting the Shame because I saw it 3 times in 6 days. And I already have man-dates lined up to see it at least 2 more times. I'm not ashamed. I have a problem, but I'm not ashamed. I think I also may have a man-crush on Batfleck. But, as with all addictions, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step of many in the long road to recovery. You're probably wondering at this point "Wow, how did Nicole get so Lucky?!?" Well she made her bed and mind your own business.
IT'S FINALLY OVER!
.After that last meme, I think it might be time to call it a day. That last one even made me feel dirty.
Thanks again for spending a little portion of your Morning with me today - I hope I didn't offend too much and you found a laugh or two in all this. As always, if you have any comments, suggestions or recommendations for upcoming Cage Matches or stories you want covered please let me know in the comments below.
To all you bastards heading down to Kinderlou in the morning - drive safe and I'll see you on the Battlefield. For everyone else, I hope your Friday flies by and you have a great wonderful weekend. Have a great Day, and as alway - Go Noles!!
Thanks again for spending a little portion of your Morning with me today - I hope I didn't offend too much and you found a laugh or two in all this. As always, if you have any comments, suggestions or recommendations for upcoming Cage Matches or stories you want covered please let me know in the comments below.
To all you bastards heading down to Kinderlou in the morning - drive safe and I'll see you on the Battlefield. For everyone else, I hope your Friday flies by and you have a great wonderful weekend. Have a great Day, and as alway - Go Noles!!
