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​...According to Me
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12/29/2015

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Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!!

Thanks for stopping by to read the "News", but unfortunately there's nothing worth reporting this week that can't wait until after the Holidays!! Not that I need a vacation from my "job", I am enjoying spending some quality time with my beautiful wife and our amazing families. Not to worry though, The Corner will be back in the New Year with more Sports, more crazy News stories, more bad jokes, and many, many more Memes!! 

Quick Note - I do want to thank you all for participating with this blog, reading commenting and encouraging everything along the way. It's been a fun project to get off and running, and I can promise some new updates and fun changes in the New Year!!!


Now in the meantime, turn off your porn machine and go spend time with your family & friends!!

Have a Great Day, a Happy Holidays and as Always - Go Noles!!

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Atlanta Friends Group Fantasy Re-Cap PART: II

12/27/2015

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Welcome to the Atlanta Friends Group Fantasy Re-Cap PART:II. If you're just joining us, you haven't missed much. It'll take just a few seconds to catch you up: Meide lost in epic fashion to Petey, squashing his Fantasy hope again for the 5th year in a row; Both Curran Teams are in the hunt for a Championship, Tacy had a Shakespearean fall from grace they will be writing tragedies about for years to come, and Yudell's team finished Dead Last. Again. 

That about sums it all up. Make sense? Ok, on to the recap.

Once again, Ladies first:
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TROPHY WIVES CLUB
Week 15 saw the 1st round of the Trophy Wives' Club - 8 teams battling it out for supremacy in their 2nd Annual Tournament. In proper Re-Cap form, let's Re-cap my predictions from last week's Re-Cap..

Re-Cap Re-Cap:
I predicted last week:
"Back That Pass Up whips the shit out of Forte Shades of Grey, Sacks in the City slams Dez Nuts into the ground; Victorious Secret sinks the Gina Marie, and Bangs, Bangs, Bangs flushes Upper Deckers' dreams straight down the crapper. (Yes, Puns intended) Then again, I also go into every weekend thinking the Jaguars are going to win, so I might not completely understand how football works."

Looks like my predictions were 75% accurate.
  1. (#8) Back That Pass Up demolished (#1) Forte Shades of Grey 123.81 - 101.81. The main difference maker? The Washington Redskins. (Wouldn't have guessed I'd be typing that at any point this season). Back That Pass Up relied on DeSean Jackson & Jordan Reed's 45.95 points. 
  2. (#2) Sacks in the City kicked (#7) Dez Nuts to the curb winning 139.61-11.79. Despite the historic game of Dez Nuts' QB Teddy Bridgewater (40.94 pts!!), it was the clutch play of Matt Stafford (28 pts) and Arizona's Defense (26 pts against the Eagles) that led Sacks to this victory
  3. (#3) Victorious Secret thoroughly embarrassed (#6) Captain Gina Marie 152.13 - 87.80 .With the high score of the week, Victorious Secret was firing on all cylinders having all players outscore their projections except Jax RB Denard Robinson. I hope Nicole bought you dinner before bending you over like that, 
  4. (#4) Upper Decker took a heavy deuce on former champion (#5) Bangs, Bangs, Bangs,  with a final score of 99.34 - 87.33. Led by Buffalo WR/FSU Alum Sammy Watkins (25.35 pts) and the Bengals D (24pts), AJJ's squad squashed the hopes of a repeat and opened the stage for a new Champion to emerge this year.
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Well done to the Final Four - you make winning look good!! 
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Unfortunately, only 2 of you will remain champions for the next few hours, the other 2 are destined to fade into obscurity and be forgotten quicker than Vince young's career. (**crickets**).
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Week 16 officially kicked off Thursday Night with The Raiders vs San Diego, and continued last night with Washington vs Philly. For those dumb enough to Start Amari Cooper I pity you (yup, I did that) and if you had Kirk Cousins, I hope you started him (nope, I didn't - but we'll get in to that in the guys re-cap)

While Captain Gina Marie Bangs, Bangs, Bangs, Dez Nuts and Forte Shades of Grey all play for the who cares, it's not 1st place award, the main events are as follows:
  • (#2) Sacks in the City (STC) vs (#8) Back That Pass Up (BTP) Last week BTP shocked the Women's League by taking out the Champ with ease. Will her winning streak continue as she faces STC? IF you go by records, shouldn't happen - but early projections as of right now are giving BTP the clear advantage. Is it because BTP has a stacked team hungry for a Championship? Or is it because STC forgot to sub out Odell Beckham Jr? Probably the last one. Well, that and she is off to a fantastic lead thanks to the help of Jordan Reed's  28.15 pts against the Eagles Saturday Night. Projections currently 118.48-89.25 in favor of BTP.
  • (#3) Victorious Secret (VS) vs (#4) Upper Decker (UD) OTP vs ITP. Curran vs Johnson. Blonde vs Burnette...Good vs...well Good. This head-to-head match-up pits the studly line-up the VS squad of QB Blake Bortles,  WR Antonio Brown, and RB Todd Gurley against the heavyweights of UD, including RB Adrian Petersen, WR Sammy Watkins & the unstoppable D of the Cincinnati Bengals. Projections currently 114.64-102.36, edge going to VS.
Fun Fact: None of the teams listed last year finished in the Top 4. The closest was Upper Decker, who completed the 1st season in 5th place.

Here's how I see things panning out:
Back That Pass Up upsets the #2 seed Sacks in the City with or without a replacement for Odell, and Victorious Secret bitch-slaps Upper Decker out of contention. Come next week, it will Be Back That Pass Up battling it out for the much coveted trophy. Not to toot my horn, but I was pretty damn accurate last week. But then again, I make this up as I go.
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Side Note: It's worth mentioning that Mrs Ogbaratta is currently leading an all-dudes' league and fighting her way to a Championship. More on that next week.

Now that we covered the Ladies, it's on to the Men's Re-Cap:
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SEMINOLE FLUID
Week 15 came down to the Final Four - MussBuss went head to head against Fullman, and I faced off against 🐒💨.  Again to Re-Cap the Re-Cap..

Re-Cap Re-Cap:
Last week I predicted
"Muss-Buss the edge in favorable match-ups, and see him taking this one." and..."I think I got this one and will be fighting next week for my 1st Championship title in Seminole Fluid." Well, I was 1/2 right. 

Here's how it went down:
  • (#1) Boomshakalaka (BS) destroyed  (#4) MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) 101.76-86.66; ending the MussBuss' hopes of adding another Championship to his Trophy Case. BS was led by the Kansas City Def scoring 21 pts - the most of any contributor for either teams this week. MussBuss' problems started with his faith in Fitzpartick and the Jets, and ended with leaving 51+pts on the bench. That's just bad team management! Then again, it can be hard to decide which RB to start when you have 7 on your overall roster. Congrats to Fullman, who moves on to fight for his 2nd Championship.
  • (#2) Cleveland Steamers (Me) annihilated (#3) PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨) in a win for the ages scoring 125.88-103.56. Led by the smooth moves of WR Antonio Brown, (30.9 pts) and the nasty New England Def (18pts)  my boys came to play! 🐒💨's faith in the Jets ultimately was his downfall as well, as he started 2 Jets RB (Ivory & Powll) as well as  an underwhelming Brandon Marshall.  Having knocked that Jabroni out of the way, it's on to bigger and better things for this guy!!​​
Sorry Losers, better luck next year!!
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On to the Championship:
  • (#1) Boomshakalaka (BS) vs (#2) Cleveland Steamers (Me) - As I mentioned earlier, this jackass made a last minute change benching Michael Crabtree (9.90 pts) in favor of Amari Cooper (1 pt) on Thursday night. I also left Kirk Cousins (32.5pts) on the bench last night...basically giving BS the perfect opportunity to take this one as I botched the chance to jump to a 43pt lead. Lucky for me though I picked up the Skins Def at last minute getting me right back in the game with 15 pts against Philly last night. Will that matter? Who knows. In the end, this match up could come down to 3 games: Arizona vs Green Bay (as BS is Starting QB Carson Palmer & RB Eddie Lacey); Jacksonville vs New Orleans (as I'm starting WR Allen Robinson & TE Ben Watson) and who Big Ben decides to throw to - BS has Martavius Bryant, I have Antonio Brown. Early Yahoo Projecctions have me (107.97-101.77)
Fun Fact: The rest of our Match-ups take place Sunday at 1 & 4:25 pm. So Seminole Fluid will have a new Championship by the * pm Game Sunday Night.
  • The battle for 3rd place will also take place this weekend as (#4) MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) goes head to head against (#3) PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨). Quick prediction: It's not 1st, so no one cares. Yahoo Projections have MussBuss taking it (94.72-86.99)

Here's how I see things panning out::
MussBuss boasts the best RB squad in our League and 🐒💨 is already off to a sad start with San Diego TE Antonio Brown only putting up 1.1 pt...In the End, MussBuss fights his way to 3rd place taking out the #3 seed 🐒💨.

And as for this years' Seminole Fluid Champion - ...This Guy!!It won't be easy, but with a squad made up of Tom Brady, Devonta Freeman & Antonio Brown, I see a Championship in Cleveland Steamers' future  I got a good feeling about this - it's my Championship for the taking!! Then again, I'm usually wrong when it comes to picking the winners (Just ask Pete ad his Fancy Dinners...I'll get to that tomorrow).

Will I be right? Probably not - but at least I'm optimistic.
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Well that's it for the Re-Cap. Thanks for sticking around to the end if you did. Goodluck to everyone playing this week and may the Gods of Fantasy look down on you favorably this weekend.
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Curran's Corner - STAR WARS DAY!!!!

12/18/2015

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Good morning and Happy Happy Friday!!

Congratulations - you made it through another week! Only 8 more hours of your daily grind until it's time to P-A-R-T-Y!! Or rest up and watch the kids. I don't know what you do with your free time. But I do know that Christmas is 1 week away so if you haven't yet, it would probably be a good time to start Christmas Shopping...or hit up the Amazon.com. That place is the bomb for Holiday needs and you don't have to sit through this awful Atlanta Traffic.  Aside from that, nothing else going on except...STAR WARS! Not sure if I let on that I'm excited about that yet, but I'm going to be having a Huge Nerdgasm at 7 o'clock sharp tonight.  Sorry Nicole. 

I've been running these a bit longer over the last couple weeks, so I'll try my best to keep this one short and sweet. That, and I'm getting a bit of the ol Carpal Tunnel, just finished up my Fantasy Re-Cap which can be read below this post. So if you got the patience, a little bit of time and a fresh cup of coffee then read away my friends! Thanks again for your time and support and I hope you enjoy!
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SPORTS
NFL - 
Starting off where we always do, let's jump right into the good stuff - Football. A lot of good games to cover. Especially for me & CJ's Jags. Last week the Hometown Heroes faced off in a Division rivalry game against the reigning AFC South Champs the Indianapolis Colts, under the leadership of AARP member Matt Hasselbeck. Despite having no Luck, The Colts have still been winning big games recently - while the Jaguars are coming of a 2 game losing streak with any hopes of somehow sneaking into the playoffs resting solely on this game. The first half was nothing impressive with Jags trailing 9-13...but in the 2nd 1/2 Blake Bortles EXPLODED, leading the Jags to score 42 unanswered points!!!! Jags won in Epic Fashion, defeating those Ponies 51-16!! The single largest margin of victory and highest score in Jaguars History!
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Fun Fact #1: Jacksonville's victory Sunday ended the Colts' 16-game winning streak in the AFC South - the longest division streak in NFL history.

Fun Fact #2: Blake Bortles currently has 30 TDs this season. He is just the 3rd QB in NFL history with 30+ passing TDs through 13 games in a season in their 1st or 2nd year. the other 2 QBs? Dan Marino & Kurt Warner.

Fun Fact #3: 
No one has thrown more TDs since week 5 than Bortles. He's Actually Tied with Brady. He also ranks as the 3rd QB this year in Passing TDs. Brady is 1st with 33, and Palmer is 2nd with 31.

Last bit about the Jags - with that win, and the loss from the Titans and the Texans last weekend, the Jags are right back in the hunt for the Playoffs!! Now in order for that to happen we have to win out, the Colts have to lose to the Texans and then one other game, and Tennessee has to beat the Texans in Week 16. It's a long shot, but there's a chance!!!!
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Moving on, the Falcons are getting worse, believe it or not. They were DEMOLISHED this weekend by Cam Newton and Co 38-0. Granted, they did play the Superbowl Bound, undefeated Carolina Panthers in Charlotte, NC - but still. These guys have given up. Their next challenge is a fired up Jacksonville team playing with a purpose. Would not be surprised if this is the nail in the coffin for their season and I don't see this ending well for Head Coach Dan Quinn.
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Next up: The Eagles. Looks like there's life in those Birds yet. With a 4th Quarter Field Goal, Philly's Finest took out the Mrs Sins' beloved Buffalo Bills to move to 6-7 - tied in their division for 1st place and their playoff hopes very much alive. As much as I despise the Eagles, have to give them credit - they're pulling it off. However they have a tough schedule a head facing the Cardinals this week, the 2 must win Division games against the Redskins & the Giants in order to make it. But since I'm being delusional & optimistic about my guys, I can't hate on Dugan & Meide for being hopeful about their Eagles as well.
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Elsewhere in the NFL, Brady & Gronk took care of business taking out the Texans to regain #1 seed in the AFC. Russell Wilson continued to take his sexual frustrations out on the field, destroying the Ravens 35-6. And ol' Discount Double-Check Aaron Rodgers is back to his old ways dismantling the Cowboys with ease. Oh and the Broncos? Looks like the thrill is gone. Brock may not be the chosen one after all. His two game winning streak was abruptly ended in embarrassing fashion against Derrick Carr & the Oakland Raiders. It's not that surprising though, considering that Raiders Head Coach Jack Del Rio designed the Broncos defense himself while working there for the past few years before taking the job in Oakland. It also doesn't help that Broncos star Wide Receiver can't hold onto the ball. He leads the league in dropped passes with 9 so far this season.
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Lastly, the Steelers vs Bengals match up. Big Ben vs The Red Rifle. Ogbaratta vs Musser.  A Grudge match for AFC North dominance. A whole lot of history here - as well as a whole lot of hate.  This sign says it all:
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Heading it this game Bengals were leading the division with a 10-2 record, and the Steelers were fighting for a Wild Card spot with a record of 7-5. Not a must win for the Bengals but a "like-to-win" scenario. But everything changed when Bengals QB Andy Dalton went down with a broken thumb on his throwing hand, and Alabama Alum AJ Mccarron stepped in to lead the Bengals straight into hell, losing 33-20. Dalton returned to the field later with a Black Cast over his forearm and hand, but he was not cleared to play. In fact, Dalton's status is now week-to-week with a small chance he could return to save the team. But with Andy out, the AFC North landscape has changed...Steelers win out, and Bengals lose the next 3 then the Steelers head to the playoffs and the Bengals hopes may be squashed again. Sorry Pete (Congrats Gina!)
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Fun Fact: An Alabama QB has not one a single game in the NFL since 1987. But apparently McCarron doesn't think that applies to him, seeing how after his loss to the Steelers last Sunday he compared himself to Tom Brady when he was thrust into the limelight with a Drew Bledsoe injury and Brady led the Patriots to win the Super Bowl in 2001. Yea, somebody check that guy for a concussion, he's not thinking straight.

Before I move on, here's the rest of the losers that can't catch this year:
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BASEBALL -
While normally I don't cover this "sport", something happened this week (or didn't happen I should say) that is worth mentioning. Pete Rose is still banned from Major League Baseball. Yup, big news/non-news. Rose, who was banned from baseball in 1989 after the league's investigation into his gambling, applied for reinstatement for a second time in February (the 1st time being in 1997). MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that he had rejected Rose's plea for reinstatement, citing that Rose is STILL gambling and  more evidence surfacing that he bet on games when he was playing for the Cincinnati Reds. Based on talent alone, Rose would be Hall of Fame bound, finishing his career with 4,256 hits. However since he is a degenerate gambler that bet on the very sort he was playing and possibly games he was playing in/managing, he is banned from Baseball for life and cannot be in the Hall of Fame unless the ban is lifted. I bet he doesn't get back in...
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THE DONALD
You're probably thinking right about now - The Donald? as in Trump? What does he have to do with Sports? Not much, except that someone decided to Make the NFL Great Again and re-design every NFL Logo with the likeness of the Great Orange One. Check out the link earlier, they're pretty funny. Credit goes to Tace of Base for the heads up on this. My Favorite two:
The Eagles
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and Da Bears
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NERD NEWS
STAR WARS
As previously mentioned, today is a big day for Nerds and Virgins everywhere - the New Star Wars comes out. And it's kinda a Big Deal. How Big? Prior to the first actual screenings which began Thursday at Midnight, Star Wars: The Force Awakens shattered fandango record sales, breaking the All-Time Ticketing Record before even being seen once. Basically the ADVANCE Ticket sales out-sold movie ticket sales for films that had their entire run in theaters already. 
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With all this hype and hoopla, of course there's those out there to ruin it for everyone.  
Angry Star Wars Extremists are threatening to spoil the movie for everyone by releasing the plot, twists and ending online after seeing the film unless their demands are met. They are calling themselves "The Alliance to Preserve the Expanded Universe"  Their Demands? Besides the touch of a real woman? They want all their stories back.  Basically when Disney bought Star Wars, Disney did away with any un-authorized "cannon" or as they call it the Expanded Universe - and they made some might mad nerds in the process. They're so mad at Disney and Star Wars, that they all bought tickets for Midnight so they could be the first to see it and then unleash their “spoil-jihadi” on the new movie, ruining it for other fans unless Disney agrees to continue the old EU (now dubbed Star Wars Legends) with new content. Kinda makes sense they'd revert to terrorist threats considering what the original Star Wars is basically about:

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GAINESVILLE SMELLS LIKE PISS
According to recent reports, UF will now stand for Urine Football if Environmental Engineering Professor Treavor Boyer has his way. Boyer is proposing that The Swamp in Gainesville and all of the people attending the football games be part of a massive science experiment in sustainability. Basically he wants fertilize their field with urine. His idea is to stop streaming urine to a wastewater facility and collect the pee in giant vats at the stadium instead to then use to fertilize the field. “We know a can should get recycled. I don’t think most people feel that way about urine, right? Most people don’t urinate and be like ‘That should have been recycled and recovered,'” he said. “My sort of vision of maybe a slightly skewed world that’s what I want people to think about every time they urinate, like wow, those are nutrients that could have been saved and reused,” he added. Gross. Go Gata?
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CATS WILL KILL YOU - Especially at Christmas!!
Christmas is a time for giving, a time to reflect on the many blessings you have and spend your days with the ones you love. Unless you're in Iceland. There Christmas is a time for working hard, and getting new clothes so the scary as Yule Cat won't eat you. This Icelandic Christmas Myth was apparently devised as a way of enhancing productivity among the working class. According to the National Museum of Iceland, “It is likely that the Yule Cat myth was originally designed to urge farm workers to perform well prior to Christmas… Those who did not… [ended] up in the Yule Cat.".  So workers who were deemed productive were given new clothing and thereby made safe from the Yule Cat. Those who were considered to be lazy however, were left without new clothes, and made vulnerable to the feral feline with a taste for human flesh. Basically like Garfield meets The Walking Dead. Merry Christmas?
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FARTING MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
Love Stinks Ladies. It's true. Well according to Cosmo it is. Yes the Women's magazine,  claims that the Key to a great relationship (for Women) is Farting in front of your Boyfriend/lover. The article goes on to say that by lowering your guard and letting those Love Toots Loose, women can be themselves around their partner - Despite the fact that your place will now smell like the bathroom of a low-budget Mexican restaurant. Although it sounds crazy, there's alot of truth to it. Me and the misses let that guard down pretty early on (back when we were just roomates) and ever since I don't mind suffocating her with my Dead Liver Stinkers. She may regret it, but I sure don't. And look at us - hap hap happy as hell!!! We use a TON of Febreeze, but Happy none-the-less!! 
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​MEME of The WEEK
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Going to take a break from the norm this week and go off script. There was no stand-out Shame of the Week - but some good news on 2 fronts that needed to be shared so instead there will be 2 separate "Fame of the Week"s.

FAME of The WEEK #1
The Mussers
Turns out when he's not busy running over precious packages in his driving and cooking up some sweet meats with his man-friend Oggi, the Muss-buss has been,well busy gettin' busy. Yes, it turns out Mrs Musser was not satisfied with having one ridiculously good-looking baby so she decided to go ahead and make another! It has been Baby-Making time up here in Atlanta, and I'm excited to see our numbers grow! When the Apocolpyse comes, we're going to have quite the army on our hands. Congrats are definitely in order for the First Family of OTP - couldn't be happier for you all!!! Here's a quick peak into your Christmas future:
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FAME of The WEEK #2
"El Toro" Dalrymple
All healed up from his Key West wounds, El Toro made his way back to work and realized that his job sucked. Seriously sucked. He's been doing a a few levels above his paygrade for months now with the promise of a promotion dangling out in front like a carrot on a stick. Although people were jumping ship left and right, he stuck it out and gave them the chance to make things right - but let them know they had til the years end to do so. With the writing on the wall that they were not going to show him the money and the year coming to a close, he made a move. Juggling interviews, negotiating terms and piting offers against each other, the Boy has become The MAN! El Toro officially accepted his new position with a company up in Alpharetta, landed a huge much deserved raise and reeled in a solid signing Bonus. He'll be starting the new year off on the right foot - at a job he fought for in a position he deserves. Hats off my man, damn proud of you!!
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Well, that's about it. My best efforts failed and I still rambled on way too long - but thanks again for sticking around and I hope this helped to start your morning off right. Please comment or like below if you enjoyed - or leave a bit of feedback if you didn't. Either way is great with me. 

If I don't see you before Christmas/Festivus/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah then be safe and be Merry. Have a great Holiday week, and as always - go Noles (And Jags!!)

Now Go Forth - Tackle the day, and May the Force Be With You!! (hehe)
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Atlanta Friends 2015 Fantasy Football Recap

12/17/2015

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If you're reading this then you are either aware that the Fantasy Football Season is coming to a close and came to see how your team did - or you have stumbled on to the wrong website. My guess is it's probably the later, but I'll continue regardless. 

It's been a fun, exciting and unpredictable year of Football this season. We've seen the rise of some unexpected heroes having breakout years such as Falcon's RB Devonta Freeman, Panther's QB Cam Newton, and Jaguars WR Allen Robinson. At the same time, there have been quite a few that have noticeably fallen from grace - including Seahawks' TE Jimmy Graham, Bronco's QB Peyton Manning and basically the entire Philadelphia Eagles organization (especially DeMarco Murray).  This season has seen the Rise of the Bengals, the Struggles of the Packers, and the Self-Destruction of Miami. It has been a really good year, which in turn has made for some really exciting Fantasy Football. It's been a nice escape from the reality that my real team sucks really, really bad...
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Fantasy Football is an interesting and addictive Beast. It's a weekly game of make believe  - Dungeons & Dragons for Jocks & Monday Morning Quarterbacks. It is many things - but one thing it is not is predictable. You can have all the Football knowledge in the world, be a stat machine and be able to quote Adam Shefter by heart - but sometimes that isn't enough.  You could have pages on pages of Draft Strategy, execute moves on the Waiver Wire with amazing proficiency and you can still lose. In the end it takes a combination of all of those skills & luck. A lot of luck. But not Andrew Luck - that guy sucks now.
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Anyways, back to the point of this article - the Recap. Throughout the ramblings below we'll just go over 2 of the more prominent leagues that the Atlanta Friends Group are involved in - the Ladies Only group "The Trophy Wives Club" made up some highly competitive women, and the Dudes Only/Douchebag League "Seminole Fluid" - mostly made up of a bunch of shit talkers and shifty individuals.

Being the Gentleman I am, I'll let the Ladies go first...
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The Trophy Wives League, is a 12 Team League that allows an 8 man line up of QB, WR, RB, TE, WR/TE Flex, WR/RB Flex, Kicker, & Defense. Lead by the Wonderful Woman formerly known as Greathead & her associate Mrs Ogmaratta, the league is now in it's sophomore year. Of the 12 teams, they have an extensive 8 Team Playoff Elimination that starts tonight Week 15, and ends with the regular Season of the NFL.

​It wasn't always this way though...12 is much more manageable than the 14 Teams that competed last year! That is just crazy! Anyways - to handle this much "talent", they broke the leagues up into 3 Divisions, with the Division leader from each advancing, and the rest of the spots occupied by teams according to record and points.

Divisions:
Pretty Is Smarter than you Think
Victorious Secret (Mrs Curran)
Erin is a Semi-Hoe (Dugan)
Cho Nation (duh)
Beginners Luck (Yudell)

Hoes Before Bros
Upper Decker (AJJ)
Dez Nuts (Chelsea)
Back That Pass Up (Name With-held)
Tace of Base (duh)

The Wealth is Real
Forte Shades of Grey (Laura)
Sacks in the City (Addison)
Bangs Bangs Bangs (Erin)
Captain Gina Marie (duh)

Some very funny and ironic names. My two favorites are the "Funny-Cause-it's-True" name of Dugan's team (love you Erin) and the pure Irony of Yudell's name. Why is that ironic? Maybe because the name Beginners Luck implied she has found some sort of luck from the start becoming an overnight success/prodigy. However this could not be further from the truth as she has finished firmly in Last Place for the second year in a row. Congrats Jenn.
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 The Final Standings are as follows:
  1. Forte Shades of Grey (10-4)
  2. Sacks in the City (9-5)
  3. Victorious Secret (9-5) 
  4. Upper Decker (8-6) 
  5. Bangs Bangs Bangs (8-6)
  6. Captain Gina Marie (8-6) 
  7. Dez Nuts (7-7) 
  8. Back That Pass Up (6-8)
  9. Erin is a Semi-Hoe (6-8) 
  10. Cho Nation (5-9)
  11. Tace of Bace (4-10)
  12. Beginners Luck (4-10)

Fun Facts - Dugan missed the playoffs by 53 points, and Tacy saved herself from being the biggest loser by just 28 points. That especially hurts for 3 reasons. 1 ) She knows more about football than most of my guy friends; 2) She finished 4th last year; and 3) You may not know this but she is a BIT competitive.
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Since their playoffs just start this weekend, quick note from last year - the 8 teams that made it to the Playoffs were: 1st -Bangs, Bangs Bangs, 2nd -Italian Stallion (Shelli); 3rd - Mackin' on Meide (Jamie); 4th - Tace of Base; 5th - Upper Decker; 6th - Captain Gina Marie, 7th Cho Nation; 8th - Nelson Domination (Cercone). So congrats to the teams that repeated, and a big congrats to the new blood that made it this year!! As for Tace & Cho from 4th &  7th all the way down to 10th & 11th? SHAME!!! Seriously. Shame. 
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The match-ups ahead are some good ones going into the weekend. 
  • #1 Forte Shades of Grey (FSG) vs #8 Back That Pass Up (BTP)- FSGs Squad of Brees, Brandon Marshall &  Fitzgerald take on BTP Rodgers, DeAngelo & Jordan Reed. While FSG boasts 4 more regular season wins that BTP, if they both set their line-ups (which they haven't as of Thurs Night) this could be the closest battle of the weekend - each projected at about 104+ pts each. 
  • #2 Sacks in the City (STC) vs #7  Dez Nuts (DZ) - This is a battle of Insight Globalites - STC having the clear edge being led by Odell, Doug Martin & the Lesser Manning is projected to win by 15 pts against DZ's team led by Dez, Gronk & Jarvis Landry.
  • #3 Victorious Secret (VS) vs #6 Captain Gina Marie (CGM) - The Power Struggle - Commish vs Co/Commish.  Early projections favor VS with her well balanced team of Bortles, Antonio & Gurley, but I wouldn't count out CGM with her stable of studs Big Ben, Megatron & AJ Green. This will be a good one. 
  • #4 Upper Decker (UD) vs #5 Bangs, Bangs, Bangs (BBB) - This one may be too close to call. This is the only match-up with two Playoff Vetrans from last year's league going head to head. UD has the immortal AP, young gun Sammy Watkin & Lamar Miller; while Bangs, Bangs, Bangs boasts Brady, Alshon & Golden Tate. One things for sure - Kate may have gotten a good laugh with her name at your expense Erin, but I'm not sure it's as funny when she's on the bench while you're back in the playoffs for a second time.
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​Fun Fact:  Yudell just found out she is not in the playoffs Wed....as in yesterday. Here is a text from my wife's phone...hehe. Thanks for the laugh Yudell. Better Luck next year!
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Here's how I see things panning out:
Back That Pass Up whips the shit out of Forte Shades of Grey, Sacks in the City slams Dez Nuts into the ground; Victorious Secret sinks the Gina Marie, and Bangs, Bangs, Bangs flushes Upper Deckers' dreams straight down the crapper. (Yes, Puns intended) Then again, I also go into every weekend thinking the Jaguars are going to win, so I might not completely understand how football works.

We'll see how right I am after this weekend. Good Luck Ladies!!! Now enough of this estrogen - On to the Dudes!!!
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Seminole Fluid is a 10 man league comprised mostly of Johnson & Meide's Motley Crew of friends from college. Plus Me. And Gannon. And the Muss-Buss. So basically a bunch of dudes from Jax and Pete. Each team in this league holds a 9 man starting roster of QB, 2 WRs, 2 RBs, TE, WR/RB/TE Flex, Kicker & Defense. This rag-tag of losers has been together since 2011 and the respect for each other is only outweighed by the mutual disdain we have towards each other.

Our playoffs consist of 6 Teams battling it out starting Week 14 - so they started last week and are very much underway. So much as in real life, the Guys came first. Another difference is our top 2 seeds receive a bye in the first week, while the rest of those Jabronis fight it out.  Before I recap last week, I'll start with the final Rankings heading into the playoffs:
  1. Boomshakalaka (11-2) - Fullman 
  2. Cleveland Steamers (9-4) - Me
  3. PFFFFFFFFFFT (8-5) - Gannon
  4. MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (7-6) - Muss-Buss
  5. WetDownGetDown (7-6) - Meide
  6. Sophia's Food Stamps (6-7) - Corini
  7. Testes McNutsack (6-7) - Greg the Commish
  8. Josh Groban (6-7) - Braunstein
  9. Bortle Combat (5-8) - Will
  10. Cal Naughton Jr (5-8) - James
  11. Sally2Dicks (4-9) Carlos
  12. Hold My Dick Butkus (4-9) - Kyle

While most of the names are self explanatory(If you don't know what mine means, Google it) there are 2 that are worth explaining.
  • PFFFFFFFFFT is phonetically pronounced as it sounds & loosely translates into 🐒💨. Gannon's trademark throughout the 1st few weeks of the season (while undefeated) was giving an in-depth analysis of each teams performance by pointing out who shit the bed that week and gave them a Farting Monkey logo (much like a good work in grade school got you a Gold Star, bad games in Fantasy give you a Farting Monkey). 
  • MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 has been the Muss-Buss' name that he changes it to the week he plays Meide. You may not know this about Meide, but he is an avid shit talker.  He gives pre-Draft predictions, post-draft analysis, and lights up the message boards with his word vomit. He talks alot of shit - and sometimes backs it up. However when push comes to shove, he has never won a championship. And that's what Pete's team name means...MBraunstein has 2; MFullman has 2; Pete has 1, MMeide has 0. Maybe this year he can add a number to those initials...maybe...

Quick Note - Kyle stopped playing we believe around week 8 or so (and has started Le'veon Bell everyweek even though he's been on Injured Reserve for the last month & 1/2) and this is Carlos' first year in the league. Both deserve an Astericks next to their names. That means Johnson was just barely better than guy who hasn't set his lineup since October and a newbie. (2 of his wins did come against me though).  Well done James, here's your trophy:
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As I mentioned earlier, the Playoffs kicked off last week with Fullman and I receiving some much needed rest (seriously needed for me...lost my last 3 regular season games, and only scored 74 last week...ugh) while the 4 other playoff teams fought it out. 

Here's a quick Re-cap of how that went down
  • #3 PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨) vs #6 Sophia's Food Stamps (SFS) - Heading into this macth-up, the numbers nerds over at Yahoo had projected SFS to win by 5 pts. Led by Cam with 23 pts and the Steelers D at 16 pts, a few players went above projections - however due to a stale performance by Megatron & Mike Evans, (PFT) was able to capitalize with a stellar showing by Russell "The Virgin" Wilson and his 32+ pts. Brandon Marshall throwing up 18.5 didn't hurt either. In the end SFS fell to the might of 🐒💨 (106.68  - 92.6).Not a good week when your second highest score comes from your Defense. 🐒💨 moves on...
  • #4 MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) vs #5 WetDownGetDown (Meide). This was the big one. The Grudge match. For weeks Meide had message board Schizophrenia, 1 week saying he's back and on his way to the Championship, the next week saying he doesn't even care this year and his team stinks. That aside, Meide called his shot 2 weeks ago that whoever won this bout would win the whole thing this year. With one championship underhis belt, Pete would enjoy a 2nd - but Meide needs this. 4 years, no Championships...it means pride and validation and so much more...So is this the MadDog's year? Nope. Not by a long shot. His 3 top scores coming from Michael Floyd, Barniddge & Alshon Jeffrey all circling 15 pts, his team was only able to muster up 86.68 pts. Pete's team, on the other hand, came to play. Led by Lamar Miller with almost 21 pts, Tyrod Taylor with 19 and his kicker scoring 12, he outscored Meide by 10. In the end, Muss wins (96.62 - 86.62).
​Fun Fact: Meide is officially Pete's Bitch. With Regular Season and Playoff match-ups, these two teams have faced off 9 times over the last 5 years. In that span, Meide has won twice. Yup, Muss-Buss owns the MadDog 7-2. Ouch.
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fWith last week out of the way, the 4 remaining teams consist of Fullman, Muss-Buss, Gannon, and Me. The first 3 have made it to the playoffs each year since the league's inception. Me? Well this is my 2nd appearance. My first season led to a humiliating 12th place finish. The next year I made the playoffs and finished 3rd - and last year I had a Tacy-esque fall from grace going back to 9th. However this year, I beat all odds and made it back to the playoffs to make another run. Maybe it's because I have a lot of free time to devote to Fantasy due to my "Lack of Employment" and "Absence of Responsibilities". Or maybe it's because I got lucky. Time will Tell.

One of the more exciting developments this year was the evolution of the Trade Rape. "Trade Rape" is defined as (according to Urban Dictionary) To be taken advantage of in a most foul way while playing fantasy sports. Basically it's screwing someone over to get what you need. Usually its a lopsided trade that seems good at first glance, but is instantly regretted once accepted. 
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Our League has encountered this type of activity before, however I bring it up because it directly influenced the current standings in our Playoffs. It started this year Week 4 when Pete needed a WR and smelled blood in the water as my #1 draft pick Marshawn Lynch was under performing and hurt. So Pete offered me Rawls (Seattle's' then Backup RB) as a Lynch handcuff, in exchange for Eric Decker. Decker went on to blow up thhat week while Rawls fizzled. I had been Trade Raped. And it hurt. 

Down but not out, I shook it off, made a plan to redeem myself and set my eyes on a Big Fish. My QB was Luck, but he had gotten hurt Week 3 and I had a feeling this was not his year. Meide drafted Luck last year and killed it all season, and seeing that success I snagged him myself for this year - but it was shaping out to be a bust. So with Luck gone, Meide took Brady. Knowing Meide's love for talking shit and proving me wrong, I conceived a plan to get the 4 time Super Bowl Champ.  With a little bit of scheming, a bit of deception, and a whole lot of ego stroking, I managed to convince MadDog to Trade me Tom Brady and Alfred Morris in exchange for Andrew Luck and Alshon Jeffrey. Jeffrey still managed to produce, and Morris was a bust - but Brady made all the difference, sharing the spotlight on my team with FSU alum Devonta Freeman.

With my Trade Boner going strong, I turned my attention back to Pete in Week 5 and aimed to right what had been wronged. I told him I'm over Lynch &  Rawls and they were available. My target? Antonio Brown. He was RB hungry and Brown was still out, so there was huge upside. So we decided on a trade - I gave him James Jones (Greenbay), Lynch & Rawls in exchange for Pete handing me Antonio, Crabtree & David Johnson. 
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Why am I telling you this (aside from bragging just a bit)? Well because when Pete and I traded he was 1-3, struggling to win. Meide was 2-2 and I was 3-1. After that Pete went on to win 6 more and coast into 4th place, and I went on to clinch a 1st round bye with 2nd place. If those trades didn't happen, I wouldn't even have made the playoffs withour Brady & Antonio. Jameis would have been my QB, and Travis Benjamin would be my other receiver. As far as Meide? While Brady wouldn't have helped him win last week,  who's to say he wouldn't have gone on to get a first round by had he not made that trade. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...Thanks boys!!
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Moving on - this weekend's match ups.
  • #1 Boomshakalaka (BS) vs  #4 MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) -This is the battle of the Titans. There are 3 Championship titles between these 2 behemoths, and they are both itching for another Trophy to put on that mantle.  BS is led by the great Carson Palmer, Shady McCoy, and DeAndre Hopkins. Will they be able to fend off the force of Ryan Fitzpatrick, Lamar Miller & Chandrick West? Yahoo thinks not, giving BS a leg up with a projections of (104.79 vs 93.24).
​​Fun Fact: As of today, Muss has a total of 7...SEVEN Running Backs on his roster. Just in Case. 
  • #2 Cleveland Steamers (Me) vs #3 PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨). This one is a fight to the death between childhood friends. Me and 🐒💨 go way back, and this could be the end of that bromance. Led by Brady, Devonta & Antonio my team is poised to have a good week and jump out of my 3 game losing streak (4 if you compared my score last week to anyone's else). That being said, it may be no match for 🐒💨' squad of Wilson, Fitzgerald and Ivory. Yahoo gives me a slight edge but it's not enough to make a difference. 
​Fun Fact: You can trust Yahoo's Fantasy Football Projections about much as you can trust me when I say I'll be there (anywhere) early.  
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As far as my predictions this week?
In the Muss vs BS match up...Fitzpatrick is going to throw all over the Dallas D, and Decker is sure to benefit. Not to mention Charcandrick West against Baltimore. Palmer and DeAndre Hopkins are good, but DeAndre faces the Colts and has never scored a TD against their Defennse (and probably won't this week with TJ Yates as his QB) and Palmer faces a newly motivated Eagles Defense. I give Muss-Buss the edge in favorable match-ups, and see him taking this one.

As far as my match-up? Well, 🐒💨 is Doubling Down on the Jets run game, starting both Bilal Powell & Chris Ivory which could make or break him...and he is starting Brandon Marshall. Basically his whole weekend relies on the Jets. If Dallas shows up it's game over or he blows me away if they don't....and Wilson is about to explode....but Brady (and NE Defense which I have) faces Tennessee, Devonta Freeman faces the Jags awful D and my #2 WR Allen Robinson is going against a Falcons team that gave up 4 weeks ago. And I'll take Antonio against the Broncos D that couldnt shut down he Raiders. With that in mind, I think I got this one and will be fighting next week for my 1st Championship title in Seminole Fluid.

But what do I know.  I make this stuff up as I go.
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Well that's it for the Re-Cap. Thanks for sticking around to the end if you did. Goodluck to everyone playing this week and may the Gods of Fantasy look down on you favorably this weekend.
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Comments

Curran's Corner - CFB Withdrawl Weekend

12/11/2015

Comments

 
Good morning and Happy Friday All!!

Here we are at the end of another long week, and looks like I didn't drop the ball completely and you are getting your Corner Piping hot, Fresh and ready on this early Friday morning. I'll try to keep this shorter than last week - I "MIGHT" have rambled on just a "bit" too long and got a "little" boring...my bad.
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That being said, there are obviously very important things happening in the world that you need to know about - which is clearly why you're here, right? So I'll get to it and try to cover it all with out losing too many of you. Thanks in advance for ready and hope this helps get your Friday off to a good start.
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SPORTS
BREAKING NEWS!!

If you're just waking up and this is the first thing you read, than I beat ESPN to the punch (Yay me!!). Remember how a couple weeks ago Mark Richt got fired from UGA? And then Remember how Kirby Smart, Nick Saban's Defensive Coordinator at Alabama was hired on as the new Head Coach of Georgia? Well in case you don't remember, that all happened - leaving a gaping hole in Saban's coaching staff that needed to be filled. Knowing Saban, he probably wanted someone with a little loyalty to fill those shoes - someone that will stick around for a couple years, right? Turns out, wrong. In a shocking move, Former FSU-Defensive Coordinator-turned-UGA-DC is now hightailing it out of Athens for a highly coveted job working with Saban. Following me?

Basically, Pruitt is Abandoning his jobs like it's his job...but at least he's finally BACK with the big Dawgs. Yup, Pruitt already worked on the Crimson Tide staff as the defensive backs coach from 2010-2012. Then he jumped ship for greener pastures and thicker wallets in Tallahassee. He had a long career in Tally for about 11 months living the easy life of inheriting a stout Seminole Defense that went on the win the National Championship, before jumping ship again to coach the Georgia Bulldogs defense into the ground. Seriously, he did a really bad job there (in my opinion). Now, with Smart coming on as Georgia's new Head Coach, Pruitt is jumping again - but I'm sure this time he'll stick around. Oh, and if it matters, he also played football for Alabama. My guess, he's there for 2 seasons before he takes the South Carolina job Will Muschamp is destined to be fired from. One things for sure, he makes Quitting look good!!
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College Football Re-Cap
​As you know, this past weekend was Championship weekend for College Football - where the best and brightest went head to head for their respective Conference Titles and a shot at earning a spot in the 2nd Annual National Championship Playoffs. While there were some good games, not really any surprises - except in the actual rankings of the final four. Before I touch on that - here's how things played out:
SEC Championship - 
#2 Alabama  vs #18 Florida Gators - 

In a game that was MUCH closer than anticipated (atleast on this end) The Crimson Tide faced off against the Mighty Jort Nation right here in Atlanta this past Saturday. Favored by 18 points in Vegas and 24 points by the "great" mind behind the keys here...The Gators came to Play!! They came out the gates fired up and ready to do what Gators do - so confident in their game that they spotted Bama 2 pts in the 1st quarter! Talk about confidence!! ...Ok, just kidding, it was a sloppy safety. But in all honesty the Gators kept Bama in check for the rest of the 1st and held them to score only 10 in the 2nd quarter leaving the game 12-7 going in to the half. After 1/2 time it was a different game though as Bama gained momentum and scored 10 unanswered points, but the Gators didn't lie down, they still managed to score 8 in the 4th against Bama's 7...with the Final Score being 29-15. Not sure if the Gators played great or if Bama might be a bit overrated...Me thinks it may be both. Although the Gatas couldn't beat Saban's Boys, they did beat the spread! ​
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ACC Championship - #1 Clemson Tigers vs #10 North Carolina 
Two Words - HIGH SCORING! This game was a dogfight from start to finish..a shoot out for the Championship as the #1 team in the country faced off against (in my opinion) an underrated North Carolina. Both teams had everything on the line coming into this game - playoff aspirations as well as pride. It was back and forth all game - until the 4th quarter where Clemson seemed to run away with the game. Trailing 45-30, North Carolina scored with 1 minute and 33 seconds later, making it 45-37...their only hop is a perfectly executed onside kick. With that much time, their 3 time-outs, and a little bit of luck, the Tar Heels could actually Tie this game up and force it into overtime. Well Luck be the Lady - Clemson couldn’t handle the kick and the Tar Heels’ Hunter Crafford fell on the ball.!!! Then they went on to score, went into OT and WON THE ACC CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Well, that could have happened...but not so much. After a very disputed and Controversial Offisides call, the referees claimed that the Tar Heels had been flagged for a penalty and it was Clemson ball. Game Over. Was it off-sides? You can see the kick here and judge for yourself.​..
 Personally I don't think so...but it's a non-review-able call so with that Clemson is headed to the Playoffs, and North Carolina is going home with a bad taste in their mouth. At least the Carolinas still got Cam, right? ​Either way, Congrats Clemson, You Dun it!!!
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Big Ten Championship - #4 Iowa vs #5 Michigan State 
The last game I'll touch on is the Big 10 Snoozefest between Iowa & Michigan St. Both fighting hard to prove that neither deserved a spot in the playoffs, they fought with the tenacity of a pair of wet noodles. Not much to say on this game except I did say it would come down to a field goal...as Michigan St won 16-13.
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There were obviously a few other dumpster games I'm sure you really want to know about. Unfortunately I don't have enough room or time so if you're interested in knowing what else happened, I hear the Google can answer your questions quite nicely.

Playoff Rankings
After all the dust settled, the College Football Playoff Committee came up with the rankings below as this season's Best of the Best:
  1. Clemson
  2. Alabama
  3. Michigan St
  4. Oklahoma
No surprises in the top 2 - they were Vegas Odds in 1/2 through the season... the other 2? Not so much. In the end, not having a legitimate Championship game DID hurt Oklahoma as they dropped from 3rd last week to 4th in the final rankings. Is it a big punishment? Depends on if you'd rather play Clemson or Alabama. At 4 they will be going head to head with the #1 in the Nation at the Orange Bowl in Miami on New Years Eve. I think it worked out for Oklahoma because they're actually going in as Favorites in this matchup according ESPN & Vegas Odds-Makers. I got Clemson in this one though.
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I am confused a bit on how exactly Michigan St jumped Oklahoma after that game. Granted, they do have  Connor Cook at QB, the dangerously good looking...I mean athletic and talented young stud...I mean man. ...um, yea...um... Anyways - I really like Michigan St - but do they have enough to beat Bama? I doubt it. We'll see though, as they finally meet on New Years Eve in Arlington, TX at the Cotton Bowl at 8 pm.
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NFL
Quick Recap - 
Jags CANNOT catch a break. We are learning however to catch a few TDs. In a nailbitting finish, Jacksonville LOST AGAIN to the Tennessee Titans 42-39. Highlights (besides our ass-clown kicker missing another field goal) had to be the fact that Future Hall-of-Fame-er/UCF's favorite son (besides CJ of course) Blake Bortles threw for 322 yards, with 5 TDs 0 Interceptions and completing 24 of 36 passes. Mariota did well too - throwing 268 for 4 TDs, 1 Interception and going 20-29. So what does that tell us? WE HAVE NO GOD-DAMNED DEFENSE!!!! Oh well, at least we play the Colts this weekend, no way they can beat us with Hasselbeck...again. Damn it.
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In other NFL News, the Falcons are getting worse by the week. They are AWFUL and only have 2 more wins than the Jags. Yea, let that sit in. A team that started 5-0 is now 6-6. Why? Because Matt Ryan is gone, in his place is the shell of a man who once was. Will he be back this weekend as they face-off against the 12-0 Panthers? Not a chance. Atleast Devonta Freeman is healthy-ish. 
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Enough of those Losers - elsewhere in the NFL last week the Mrs Sins' Bills dominated a struggling Houston, Tacy's Panthers moved on to 12-0, continuing their steady march to the playoffs (although the Saints did put up a good fight), and Brock Osweiler continued his reign of terror on Peyton's hopes of returning by wining his 2nd game in a row!! Granted it was against the Chargers who actually have a worse record than my Jags. Pretty solid test this weekend against Oakland, but I got a good feeling about this young'in.  
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Speaking of winners, the Steelers are on the rampage now that Big Ben is back - and Antonio Brown is a Touchdown machine!! They bent over the Colts and gave them the business on Sunday!! Mrs Ogbratta must be soo proud!! They are in the hunt for a Wild Card seed and have their sights on the playoffs!!
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Oh yea, and I can't forget about the Bengals. They dragged the Browns out behind the shed and shot that dog dead, winning 37-3. Just ugly. Unless the team that Mussbuss loves decides to lose out, they're headed to the playoffs. Seems easy enough...except it's the Bengals. And they LOVE to disappoint their fans..
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Finally - the BIG STORY. The Eagles. Wow. They didn't just beat Tom Brady and the Boys, they stuck it to them!! 35-28, evil genius/Chris Farley stunt double Chip Kelly out coached Belicheck in a truly unbelievable game. . Now granted, Brady had No Gronk, and No Edleman, but that shouldn't matter...he's TOM F*ING BRADY!! Congrats Meide & Dugan - no (specific) Eagles jokes here, actually impressed.With that win, the Eagles move to a dismal 5-7 record...which would be embarrassing except for the fact that they are now in a 3-way TIE for 1st place in the NFC East. That's right, The Eagles, as awful as they have been all year, could be headed to the playoffs. Wow. I thought my division sucks (actually it does, Colts and Houston are in the same situation at 6-6 in the AFC South...) Fly Eagles Fly?
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Now, onto the news!!

ARCHAEOLOGY ROCKS!!
​Looks like one of this life's greatest mysteries may have finally been solved. Kinda. Well not really. According to a recent find, Archaeologists (or Dirt Nerds as I like to call them) believe they have finally found the source of the big ol' bricks at Stonehenge. The Big Rocks, according to Josh Pollard from University of Southampton, originated in the outcrops of natural pillars at Carn Geodog and Craig Rhos-y-felin in the Preseli Hills of Pembrokeshire Coast National Park. (I copy and pasted that. Literally no clue what it means, but I think in laymen's terms, some place in the United Kingdom).

The Dirt Nerds believe that whoever dug up the stones “only had to insert wooden wedges into the cracks between the pillars and then let the Welsh rain do the rest by swelling the wood to ease each pillar off the rock face,”  They figure that the stones were dug up around 3400 BC - but Stonehenge wasn't build until 2900 BC, giving who (or WHAT) ever decided to build an erector-set in the middle of nowhere about 500 years to do so. Why did they do it? Who knows. Or cares. If they give more info maybe I'll do a follow up. Probably not.​
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I CAN SMELL YOUR PU$$Y
Do you ever just pet your cat, take a deep breath in and say "Damn I wish I could savor that flavor all day long?" If so then
  1. Eww, Gross.
  2. You're in luck!!
Personally, I hate cats and they hate me. It's a mutual kinda thing. but thanks to the Japanese - the World Wide Leader in "What the Fucks?", you can now make everything you own smell of loneliness. Yes, according to this really weird article, Japanese scientists at Yamamoto Perfumery (I swear I did not make that up) have managed to research that scent, recreate it, and they are now bottling and selling it. How accurate does it smell you ask? Well Mr. Yamamoto himself, spent four months of series research going from cat cafe to cat cafe sniffing different feline’s heads to ensure only the greatest stench. Ugh. While I can only imagine it smells like a special level of hell, they described the aroma as "everything from the smell of sunshine to the sweet scent of just baked bread." Congrats Japan, you win again.

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​OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES...

In case you haven't been paying attention, we live in pretty divisive times. Politics and religion are polarizing this country quicker than ever, and voicing your opinion is a sure fire way to lose friends quicker than claiming Team Edward (everyone knows Team Jacob is the JAM!!) At the front of a lot of this is the oft outspoken Donald Trump, with his radical views and rich old man racist ramblings.  And although everyone has a strong opinion of who's right and who's wrong, you can immediately alienate yourself by boasting to much support for certain controversial issues. And this has been creating a lot of vitriol and hate online - especially in Social Media means like Facebook. The solution? You can now search out and "Un-Friend" those who do not share your beliefs or values. The actual article you can click on back there (it says Un-Friend in case you haven't been paying attention) and uses Trump as the example - but basically all you have to do is type"my friends who like" in the search function at the top of Facebook, and let the games begin. Just for fun, try "my friends who like Batman"​ and see what comes up....I'm sure you'll all be SHOCKED!!! (Please don't un-friend me, I'm very fragile).
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Oh Come, all Ye...Zombies??
It's the Holiday season once again, which you know what that means...time for the Over-sensitive PC Police to come in and ruin all the fun!! Seems like everyone is offended these days, whether it's a Starbucks cup that's not Christmas-y enough, if Black Friday sounds Racist, or a simple Zombie Nativity Scene that goes against "traditional Christmas Values". Well, the 1st two are ridiculous, but maybe the last one is a little much. Turns out the little town of Deer Park, Ohio is all up in arms over local Zombie-enthusiast Jason Dixon's Zombie Themed Nativity scene, complete with flesh-eating Wise men, and a Zombie Baby Jesus.
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That's right. In Dixon's massive outdoor display, Mary, Joseph, even the blessed 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus, are all flesh-eating walkers. "I wanted a nativity scene and I worked with what I had," said Dixon. The town has decided to fine Dixon $500 a day until the Nativity scene is taken down. Truly butthurt by the whole thing, Dixon also mentioned "If it was a real pretty nativity scene they wouldn't be saying anything." . Touché
sir. Touché. (It is worth noting that I actually think this is hilarious...and technically, Jesus did rise from the dead...but just not this time of year)
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MEME of THE WEEK
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O-M-G!!! ONE MORE WEEK!!! Screw you for judging me.

WEEKEND HAPPENINGS
Well, um, actually a we have a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

I Honesty don't know what to do with my Saturday now...
 guess we could do some Xmas Shopping. Damn it. 

At least I still got Football on Sunday (for now)...

I don't know if anyone has anything planned for this weekend - if there is and we weren't invited, SHAME!!! If not, rest up and start watching your favorite Holiday movies. You earned it.,

Oh, and in case you missed the email, Mrs Tydell sent out a blast to the group about Peach Bowl tickets to see our Florida State Seminoles end the year on a high note New Years Eve as they face-off against Houston (a team that - from what I understand - is in Texas). Tickets are going pretty cheap right now since Houston's not much of a traveling Fan Base...so if interested, get in touch now!!!


SHAME of THE WEEK
The Muscley Man...El Toro!!
That's right, Ryan. For those of you that don't know (because I am really good at hiding things from you all) I'm kinda a dork. I like comic book movies, I LOVE Batman, and I really like Star Wars. And so does Ryan...or so I thought!! A couple months back I noticed that tickets were on sale to see The Force Awakens - and who better to see it with (besides my lovely wife) than my nerdy companion El Toro. The guy loves all things Technology, Sci-Fi and grew up on Star Wars just like me. And while I would have extended the invite to the greater group, tickets had just gone on sale and were selling super duper fast. So I scooped up a couple tickets back in October, and we set a group date for next Friday (btw, I bought Carly one too just in case, but was informed she would still be out of town so I gave it to another nerdy friend). Well turns out, Ryan turned to the Dark-Side and Light-Saber-ed me in the back like the Sith he is!! I'm more hurt than Obi-Wan was when Anakin betrayed him during their Duel on Mustafar!! (IDugan  gets it. Nerd.).

Yup, he bailed on me. Just because he loves Carly more than me and decided he would rather spend the weekend with her in a cabin then with me and Nicole in a dark theater filled with Nerd-Virgins role-playing with flashlights. Boooo!!! ​
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In all honesty, Ryan made the right choice, and should be in the Fame column, but he approved of this Shaming as atonement for my Broken Heart. It is great news that Ryan and Carly will be able to spend the Holiday together, and we're excited to have you back young lady!! You made the right and best choice my man!! (Plus that means I get to see it again).
FAME of THE WEEK
No contest here. The Clear and Apparent Fame of the Week title belongs to the Musician that makes us move, the DJ that helps us get down - the one, the only FUNK MANCHU!!!
After years of hard work, late nights and numerous wedding gigs Mr Malloy will finally get his due!! As you all have probably heard, Funk Manchu will be releasing his debut EP, irreverently titled Kinda Sweaty,  on Star Wars day December 18th on Psycho Disco!, - a record label recently founded local DJ / producer Treasure Fingers.  

I think I speak for all of us when I say congrats on the big move buddy!! You deserve all the success and praise you are sure to receive, and all though I can't dance the night away anymore at my age - you have my complete and total respect and support!! Well Done homie!!
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 Well, that's about it for this week. I hope you all enjoyed and I pray I didn't get anyone in too much trouble with the Google Searches of your names. Thanks again for sticking with it to the end (if you did) and please comment below if you feel so inclined.

​Have a great weekend, and as always - Go NOLES!! 
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Curran's Corner - The Beginning of the End

12/5/2015

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 Good morning Team & Happy...Saturday?

Welcome to the weekend!! Yes I know, I obviously ruined your Fridays for my little Faux Pas...hopefully over the course of the next dozen paragraphs I can make it up to you. I'd tell you I won't do it again, but we all know that's probably a lie and I'm sure I'll disappoint you all again for many years to come (at some point or another). To make up for it this edition is a bit longer than normal.. So I guess, sorry for that too. Damn, I can't win with you people.

Well now that the week is now officially yesterday's news and it's time kick back, relax and claim yourself some much deserved R&R! Or not, it's your day! From what I understand, it can be exhausting getting back to work after a long holiday weekend so I'm glad you all made it. For some reason I haven't had a problem adjusting. Maybe it's my continuously optimistic "can-do-attitude" that helps...or maybe its my "lack of employment" or the absence of "any responsibility a legitimate adult faces"...who knows. It's one of life's great mysteries that we may never actually figure out. 

Moving on, it's officially December and I think we all know what that means...It's time to get all Jolly and celebrate the reason of the Season - the new Star Wars!! Oh, and it's Christmahanakwanzika Season too (and Festivus if you are of the same faith as me, Tacy & Sins). I'll try to work in a bit of the holiday spirit without overdoing it, but be prepared - Christmas Meme's are coming!!

Alright, I've stalled long enough - I'll get to what you came for... Time to get to the news! Thanks in advance for your time and I hope you enjoy! And sorry again for just getting this out now. I've been busy herding Drunken Degenerates all night in New York on a Bachelor Party with my old Duval Crew...going to be a long weekend...
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SPORTS
NCAA -
It's often said that all good things must come to an end. And sadly, it's so frequently true. As much as I've tried to pretend it wouldn't, the 2015 College Football Season is almost at a close. Yes, with just like that the regular season has finished, and all that's left are Conference Championships, a bunch of Toilet Bowl Games and then of course the big College Playoffs for the National Championship. It's ok to cry, I'm sad too. Especially since our beloved Florida State Seminoles will NOT be playing this weekend in the ACC Championship game. But at least we ended on a very high note. Yes Rivalry week was very good to us...and not so bad for a couple other teams either. So before I get into what's next, here's a quick recap in case you weren't paying attention:

Georgia/ GA Tech - In the fight for his career and legacy, Richt's Bulldogs stepped up to the occasion and did what FSU couldn't...They beat the Nerds. It was a sleeper of a game...not in the sense that no one saw it coming, but in the fact that I dosed off in the 1st quarter. It was a very uneventful, uninspiring 13-7 Victory for the Dawgs that was much needed, but not sadly enough. Richt was fired the next day, sparking and outcry of support for the Coach, as well as a lot of confusion and rage by many - which seems odd considering since I moved to Atlanta over 8 years ago, there has been talk for firing Richt every season and now the fans are suddenly shocked and appalled.

In my opinion, both Richt and the Dawgs needed this clean break and a deserve a fresh new start. For Georgia, it looks like it will be the highly reccommended Saban protege Kirby Smart - which could go one of two ways. The great way would be mirroring a career like former protege Jimbo Fisher and his success at FSU...or there is the Not-so-great way - echoing the "fail-upwards" style of Will Muschamp (he's in contention for the South Carolina job. Seriously. How does he keep getting hired?) Personally I think this guy should get a shot...
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Richt will be taking his Talents to South Beach and join the ACC as the new head coach of the Miami Hurricanes. This is both great news for the ACC, and potentially awful news for FSU. On one hand, he's a great coach that can breathe new-life into a flailing team (which hasn't played for 1 ACC Championship yet). On the other hand, he could make that team relevant and dangerous again - taking potential recruits from FSU down the road and building up one of our biggest rivals into a force to be reckoned with. Personally, I invite the challenge and look forward to the new competition!!


Clemson/ South Carolina - In a fierce battle for State supremacy, the Gamecocks  gave Clemson everything they have and just barely came up short with the Tigers pulling off a late victory of 37-32. Pretty crazy, and did not see that coming. looks like there could be a trick to stopping Clemson...all you have to do is Score... Alot. 

Alabama/Auburn - Really not worth mentioning except for this catch. Otherwise a boring game.
Notre Dame/Stanford - In their 2nd most important test of the season, the Fighting Irish once again fell a bit short, solidifying the argument that they were not deserving of a top 4 bid. A great and close game just like Clemson, but like my dad says - close only counts with Horseshoes and Hand grenades.. Actually as I write that I'm not sure why he says it. Pretty weird and random thing to say...Anyways, my point is - they're done. Unless the rankings some how don't reflect this as it should and they still wind up being in the top 10...but that would just be dumb.

Ohio State/ Michigan - Well I was wrong on this one. Wasn't even close. Looks like Urban isn't going to have offseason health issues after all and may still have a shot (albeit a very long one) of making it into the Playoffs.. 

Florida/Florida State - Well I'm not one to gloat, but I'm pretty sure that was the greatest asswhopping I've ever seen the Gators take. 27-2. Seriously...27-2...2 points...Two. And we gave those to them.​
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Coach Jimbo Fisher (who is clearly not going anywhere, so ESPN can just shut it's filthy whore mouth) extended his winning streak to 5-1 against inter-state rivals the Florida Gators, with an UNCONQUERED record in the Swamp. In fact, in Fisher’s three games in Gainesville, FSU has outscored UF by a combined score of 85-16. Essentially he owns the Swamp.
With this win, the Seniors graduating this year have picked up their 49th win since the 2012 season, breaking a school record for wins in a four-year span that was set last season. They are now the winningest class in FSU history wiith a record or 49-5. It was a great game and so damn proud to be a Nole!!

Fun Fact: The last time that UF beat FSU in the Swamp, Jameis Winston was a sophomore......in high school.

(Did you hear that? it was the sound of the mic dropping.)

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ESPN is spelled T-M-Z
While we're on the subject, I guess we should go ahead and address the elephant in the room - Jimbo Fisher's job. While it was speculated by ESPN that not only was Les Miles getting fired from LSU, but that Jimbo Fisher was not only interested in replacing him as Headcoach, but as of last Saturday before their matcch against UF, EPSN reported Jimbo had already accepted the position and signed the paperwork. Well, it was bullshit. Kind of...

Reports have confirmed Jimbo Fisher was in negotiations with LSU. Which is not surprising Jimbo was Nick Saban's Offensive Coordinator/QB Coach from 2000-2006 when - during the period in which LSU won a National Championship. So the ties are there - and if someone is going to call you and offer to back a truck of money up to your doorstep, you will atleast pick up the phone. So it makes sense. But there are a few reasons this was never going to happen. 

First of all, Fisher makes $5 million per year and has a buyout of $5 million at FSU. He likely would have demanded multiyear contract paying him more than $5 million per season. A new coaching staff likely would have cost the school another $5 million. The final price tag to part ways with Miles and hire Fisher was reportedly more than $30 million.  And Jimbo Fisher is good - but is he $30 million good?

Second, Les Miles has friends. A LOT of Friends. Friends in the fan base that came out in droves to show their support and stand behind their coach. Then there's Former Lousisana Gov/Human Muppet Bobby Jindal that stood by Les in solidarity.  Macth that with the fact that Les Miles IS a winning coach- So with that kind of support, LSU is facing huge backlash if they let their coach go. 


Lastly - and most importantly - why would he go. Honestly speaking (and this isn't biased), it really makes no sense. Jimbo Fisher is the Headcoach of Florida State - a storied program with a strong history and he has complete control over every aspect of the Football program. They are the current Big Dogs in the Big Pond - Florida is a recruiting ground mecca - one of the top 3 states (California & Texas are the others). The Facts don't lie... Recent statistics show that over the last 5 recruiting classes, Florida ranks 2nd in the nation averaging 1,295 3/4/5 Star rated players - where in comparison Louisiana has averaged 333 3/4/5 Star Rated Players being recruited. Then there is the fact that while the SEC is a power-house conference, You have to get through Florida, GA, Auburn, AND Alabama on the road to a SEC Championship - not to mention a National Championship. In Contrast, FSU has a much easier path to the playoffs and it shows - in his 6th year as Head Coach, Fisher has seen unprecedented success - winning 4 Conference Division Titles, 3 ACC Championship Titles and 1 National Championship, He also has a current record of 68-13 (40-8 in Conference). On top of that he has had only 3 losses in the last 3 years.  So again, why is the LSU job a better one? Fact is - it isn't.

Jimbo did talk to LSU and was right to do so. He accomplished two very important things by entering into those Negotiations.
  1. He showed LSU that getting rid of Les Miles really isn't worth it financially or responsibly according to the fan base. Jimbo is amazing - but Les isn't a schlub either- in his 11 year tenure he has also won 3 Conference Division Titles, 2 SEC Championships, and 1 National Championship - with a current record of 111-32 (61-27 in Conference). So basically you spend $30 million to fire your winning coach and alienate your fanbase for another great coach with a similar resume? 
  2. FSU knew before that they have a good thing, but now that point has been hammered home loud and clear. Come negotiation time, Jimbo will have NO problem gettingexcatly what he wants...becuase he is worth every penny. And Knows it. 
In the end, I think he was looking out for Les (Jimbo was there at LSU for Miles' 1st 2 seasons) and cementing his own future with the Seminoles as well. In my opinion, win win...except for ESPN. They're basically cementing their reputation as TMZ for sports - just making shit up as they go along. 

PLAYOFF RANKINGS
So going into Championship week, the latest rankings are:
  1. Clemson - Still a strong, deserving #1, but face a difficult and underrated challenger in North Carolina (ranked 10th) Win and they're in.
  2. Alabama - Same as above...just kidding, they play the Gators. They're in.
  3. Oklahoma - Nice placement and deserving of a top spot for their season, but the Pac 12 has no Conference Championship game, which could end up hurting them in the end and allowing another team that wins their conference to jump in.
  4. Iowa - Undefeated and looking strong...but have the unenviable task for facing off against #5 Michigan St in the Big Ten Championship Game. Whoever comes out alive should be in.
  5. Michigan State - See Above. They knocked out reigning champ Ohio St 2 weeks ago, can they work their magic again and sneak into the playoffs? I say yes.
  6. Ohio State - so close, but oh so far. Could get in still I guess if the Committee has sympathy and with a lot of luck (Alabama would have to lose) 
  7. Stanford - Could get in if they play impressive enough in the Pac-12 Conference Championship game and garner enough votes to jump in to take Oklahoma's spot. Long shot, but possible
  8. Notre Dame - Lose to Stanford and only drop 2 points? Ahead of North Carolina? SMH. Makes no sense. And no chance of the Playoffs.
  9. FSU - Huge win against the Gators propelled us to finish the season in the top 10 - but shouldn't North Carolina (as ACC Coastal Division Champs and better record) be ahead of us? Also no chance for the Playoffs.
  10. North Carolina - Seriously confused about this ranking. Playing for a Conference Championship, 11-1 record, and Clemson is only favored to win by 5 pts. Don't agree with this. But still, with a good game and a lot of luck, if Hunsucker's Tarheels pull this off against Clemson, they are going to the Playoffs.
There looks to be a few great games this weekend, so take it all in - after this we don't have anything left except the Bowl Games and Championships.  Boo this time of year...BOOO
NFL -
Great weekend for the NFL...unless you're a fan of the Jaguars, Bills, Steelers, Falcons, Gronkowski, and my Fantasy Team.​ Yea, pretty tough week. 

Starting with the Jaguars...we suck. Blew it against the Chargers and ended our season high winning streak of 2 games. Bortles made some great plays, and then a couple boneheaded moves - like when he crossed the line of scrimmage and illegally threw it in for a TD...twice, both resulting in a loss of down and turnovers.  
C'mon Bortles, you're better than that. CJ, talk to your boy please. Allen Robinson did have a great game and Julius Thomas finally made himself useful and got into the endzone. Aside from that, it was just ugly, and we almost lost Allen Hurns in a horrible tackle which luckily only resulted in a concussion. Well, fun's over, back to reality and another losing season for my boys.
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Speaking of Awful. Congrats to the Eagles...they have giving a new meaning to the word!! Not much to say except that I love how bad they are. Love it. How bad is it you ask? Well they got annihilated for the 2nd week in a row in historic fashion to the Detroit Lions, once again allowing their opponent to score 45 pts, finishing 45-14. (Last week they lost to the Bucs 45-17). Combined they have lost the last two games by 59 points. I wish the Jags had them on schedule this year, we'd have at least one gimmie in the bank!! Oh and my favorite part of the game? This stat:
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oving on - The Falcons relied heavily on the arm and leadership of Starting Quaterback/Wet Blanket Matt Ryan and it did not end well. Minnesota beat the hell out of the local heroes 20-10. Devonta better come back ready to run all over Tampa, cause I can't take much more of this.

In other news, the 82 year old Colts' Wonder Brothers Hasselback & Viniteri pulled off a huge win against the Bucs, despite Jameis completing 20 of 36 passes for 245 yards, a touchdown and only 1 interception. Got to hand it to the Colts, they're doing amazing things without any Luck.

Speaking of Luck, the Panthers don't seem to need any either. With their demolition of the Cowboys (and what looks to be Tony Romo's last game for a year now. 
Poor guy) Cam Newton has lead Carolina to it's 11th win, remaining the only undefeated team in the league. Mark my words, they are Superbowl bound this year, and I think it'll be against Brady and the Boston Boys.
 
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Perhaps the Biggest story of the week - BROCK BEAT BRADY!! Yes, in his first match up against the Future Hall of Fame-er Tom Brady, the young Osweeiler managed to do what Grampa Manning has struggled to do his whole career - take out the pretty boy. Yes, the Patriots are riddled with Injuries, and they lost Gronk in a tough to watch tackle...and the officiating was exactly Kosher...but still. The kid looked good doing it and it's really cool to watch what could be the start of a great career. Oh and Peyton might not get his job back. There's rumors he'll be placed on Injured Reserve - not only for his foot, but also for his injured ego.
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Closing up, The Steelers went down in the 4th to the Seahawks (sorry Gina) with Big Ben going out with concussion symptoms...Jenn's Bills continued to underwhelm in a loss to the Chiefs, and Pete's Bengals pulled off an impressive win, destroying the Rams 31-7.

Lastly - the Browns. With Manziel benched for his antics last week, the Cleveland Steamers turned to Josh McCown to lead to way. Unfortunately that was short lived as he went down with a season ending injury against the Ravens, breaking his collarbone. But good thing they had Manziel dressed and ready to play because as soon as McCown went down, they went to the clear choice...Austin Davis? Yes, the former 3rd string turned 2nd string turned starter took control in the 2nd half, putting up quite the fight and leading the Browns to what looked to be a sure win. With the score 27-24 (Browns winning) virtually no time left on the clock, Davis got his boys within field goal range to seal the deal against the Ravens...and as we've seen many times before...this happened:
Wow. Sucks to be you Cleveland. Even with the loss of McCown for the season, the Browns still refuse to give Johnny Football a chance again this season. With his future with the Browns in question, he may end up getting traded to Dallas of all places. In the End, this about sums it all up for Cleveland this season:
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Ok, I lied. 1 more NFL game to cover...Thursday night's EPIC battle between the Greenbay Packers and the Detroit Lions. This game was pretty much a stinker up until the last few minutes when - and then the greatest play of the year happened. For those responsible adults that have shit to do in the mornings, you probably did not stay up to see this mostly boring back and forth between a struggling Greenbay and a clearly motivated Detroit team. The Lions maintained control throughout much of the game, holding Eddie Lacy & Randal Cobb to incredibly underwhelming performances. Rodgers, who is by definition the poster boy of what it means to be elite in the NFL was also being contained with ease - as he has unfortunately for the last 4 games as well. It was so bad that the Lions held a 20-0 L lead midway through as most viewers turned off the TV and went to bed. But late in the 3rd Quarter, The Discount Double Checker started a rally that would breath life back into his team, coming within arms reach of victory within the last few minutes of the game. scoring 14 pts in the 3rd, and 7 points in the fourth to make it a 21-23 game with less than 15 seconds left in the game. Rodgers regained possession with 15 seconds on the clock and managed to get up to about the 50 yard line with 6 seconds left, no time outs and no chance of victory...then came the 10 yard pass to GB receiver James Jones as time expired. With no options left, Jones lateraled the ball backwards to another player, who immediately turned and threw it back about 10 yards back to Aaron Rodgers, who had no option but to run at this point in order to keep the ball alive.

Surrounded by Lions Defensive linemen, Rodgers ducked, shuffled and as he was trying to evade a tackle, he appeared to have his face-mask touched by DE Devin Taylor and the QB was thrown to the ground. Rodgers’s helmet jarred, his head turned to the right, and he was wrenched to the ground, chinstrap dislodged...No time left game over. But then out came the flags...Face-mask - Personal Foul resulting in 15 yards and one more shot at the endzone. With the ball now at the 35 yard line, Greenbay has 1 possession left with 0:00 on the clock. Rodgers snapped the ball, runs backward, evades a tackle, sprints forward to the 36 yard line and launches the ball straight into the air - floating the ol' pigskin 61 yards into the endzone into a heavily guarded group of 5 Lions defenders covering 3 Packers...a Hail Mary. Then out of nowhere, Greenbay TE Richard Rodgers runs into the endzone, launches into the air and miraculously catches and comes down with the ball. HOLY SH*T, PACKERS WIN!!!
It was the best finish of a game I've seen in years. Simply amazing. Looking at the replay again though, it was (in my opinion) clearly not a face-mask, but instead an Academy Award winning performance by the Future Hall of Fame QB. Maybe a horse collar (which still results in 15 yards) but not a face mask. But in the end, I really don't care. It was so incredible to watch live I'm glad it happend the way it did. God I love Football.
Fun Fact: It was Rodger's​ 32nd Birthday. He celebrated the way he lives...by f*cking winning.
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BYE BYE BLACK MAMBA
It's the end of an era...Kobe Bryant - aka Black Mamba aka the Ball Hog aka Not as good as Jordan -  is officially retiring from the NBA after 20 seasons.  Bryant entered the NBA at the ripe age of 17 back in 1996 - becoming the 1st guard to forego his college eligibility and enter the NBA,  The Future Hall of Fame Shooting guard announced his decision in a Poem titled Dear Basketball, showcasing his literary prowess and grace while defending his legacy, desire to win, and intensity in a quite unique way. Personally, if it doesn't rhyme like a well-written Nickelback song, poetry is mostly lost on me...but apparently many people smarter than myself have deemed it a "poem" that deserves to be "read". just kidding, I don't know if anyone said that. Kobe is retiring as one of the greatest players of all time, winning five NBA Championships, and one rape case.  Bryant is also a 17-time All-Star, 15-time member of the All-NBA Team, and 12-time member of the All-Defensive Team. So yeah, he was pretty good...but he was also know widely as a self-center Ball hog, that took too many shots, was horrible to work with, and ran Shaquille O'Neal out of town.
 He also gave his wife a $4 Million "Apology Ring" after the alleged rape case in 2003...cause nothing says Sorry I fucked up like a big ol' Blood diamond.  Regardless, he will be regarded as one of, if not the greatest players to ever grace the court. Even though Jordan was better. ​
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​WORLD NEWS

Airpocalypse
The end it is near friends - and it's cause will not be ISIS or an Asteroid Bruce WIllis can't save us from. No, the nail in the coffin will be China and the impending Airpocalypse. China is now covered in a thick, lung cringing smog that is at life threateningly dangerous levels.

The pictures below were taken within a day of each other. Those are 2 diferrent pictures of THE SAME SKYLINE!!!
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In Beijing, the capital of the world's most populous country and its No. 1 source of planet-warming carbon compounds, Greenpeace China called the thick haze the worst pollution of the year. "Authorities have issued an orange alert and recommended that residents stay indoors,"  Clean up your act China! (see what I did there?) 
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 Mein Kampf
Filed under the list of horrible ideas of what the hell were they thinking - The Gerrman state of Bavaria is reissuing Hitler's Mein Kampf. Apparently the copyright ownership was set to expire this year, the state is prepared to lift its ban on Hitler’s infamous book as a way of ensuring that new generations can be fully aware of his anti-Semitism, militarism, and political theory. Publication has been forbidden in Germany since 1945 as well as showing it in public or displaying it prominently in a shop window. On paper it seems like a bad idea, but I'm sure in reality with the recent increase in immigration and the rise of Islam and fear surrounding those who practice the religion that this will surely be handled poorly and immediately regretted. But I'm sure they'll Nazi that coming....
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You Want Fries with that??
Clone Wars

Meat - it's not necessarily what's for dinner anymore. In more awesome China news, not sure if you've heard but they are facing a bit of an overcrowding issue. And with the growing population and the need to feed the masses, To combat this, China has decided it's best to go ahead and build a Giant Animal-Cloning factory to feed the People. Yes, while the rest of the world sorts out its feelings about the safety and ethics of cloning animals for food production, China - the world's leader in "F*ck It, we do what we want"  - has decided to throw caution to their polluted wind and go ahead and eat cloned meat. Yum Yum, gimmie sum!! On the brightside, Cats and Dogs everywhere can sleep easy knowing they may no longer be the 1st choice of sandwich meat in years to come!
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THE DATING GAME
Talk Nerdy to Me

Do you just love (and I mean LOVE) all things Disney but hate that pesky virginity that keeps getting in your way? Are you tired of riding the Teacups alone? Are you a Goofy just searching for your Goofette? Well search no further, Mouse Mingle is here!!! Mouse Mingle is the Dating site for fans of all things Disney. Users check boxes related to their Disney nerd level: favorite Disney characters, songs, movies, parks, princesses, heroes and more. Although it's pretty damn funny, atleast its shying away from the recent rise in Cheating websites like AshleyMadison.com and Cougarlife.com - where you can go either A) find someone just as shitty as you to cheat on your spouse with, or B) Find a lonely and horny divorce with a large wallet and lust for young man meat. Ah, dating. So glad that's over.
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**in case I have to explain that, Disney owns Starwars. And if you don't get the Meme, ask Dugan. She's a huge Star Wars Nerd**

Black Friday Win?
While most of the United States decided to rush to stores and fight over poorly made TVs in a giant Jerry Springer-esque Flash mob, there was one company that seemed to capitalize on the chaos and nonsense more than others. The awful yet clever people behind Cards Against Humanity - the Horrible party game for Horrible People - decided to have their own Black Friday special. Their deal? Give them $5 and get nothing in return. That way you can participate in Black Friday and not completely lose your soul.  
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Pretty funny. But did it work? You bet your ass it did. In the end  the "Good" people at Cards Against Humanity reported that 11,248 people gave $5, and 1,199 people gave more than $5 by filling out the form more than once. One enthusiastic fan gave $100. In total, the staff of Cards Against Humanity made a staggering profit of $71,145!!!
In actuality, Cards Against Humanity is known for some very charitable fundraising - since 2012 they have raised nearly $4 million for organization like Worldbuilders, the Sunlight Foundation, the EFF,DonorsChoose.org, the Wikimedia Foundation, and the Chicago Design Museum. We even started a $500,000 full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in science.
With that in mind you're probably wonder what the ended up doing with all the money from this latest stunt. The answer? They kept it all. Atleast for a moment. Here's a highlight of some of the items they bought:
  • Alex bought 760lbs of Arm & Hammer Clump & Seal Multi Cat odor Sealing Cat Liter for $500 (because those cats apparently poop as much as me)
  • Amy paid off 1.5% of her student loan debt, stating that she spent 100k on a BA, 60K for a MFA and 7 years of her life so that she could go write Dick Jokes for a living
  • Jenn purchased a Lord of the Rings Legolas Lothlorien LongBow replica for $800, a Leather archer quiver for $139, and a Bespoke Robin Hood Costume for $1,200. ( I assume she needed the outfit and weapon to further protect her Virginity)
  • Karlee purchased a YVA Vibrator in 24-Karat Gold for $3,120, Uber Lub Personal Lubricant for $280, and a donation to Planned Parenthood for $1,027.
​Well Done Internet. Well done.

(You can read the rest here)

THEY SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING
Since it's Christmas, I think now would be a good time to work in the 1st festive story of the season. We all know about Santa - the Jolly old pervert that knows when you've been sleeping and sneaks into your house late at night to eat your baked goods, drink your dairy and leave over priced gifts that usually should come with a return receipt. But I'm not going to cover him...that's been done. I want to talk about his little Mischievous Minions that have recently taken the nation by storm over the last few years and scare your children into behaving like civilized young members of society unlike the little monsters they normally are.

Yes, I'm talking about the Elf on the Shelf. This pint size peeping toms have become a widely popular tradition in recent years becoming a household fixture in homes and the internet throughout the country every December. They're based on a 2005 book, in which elves are described as scouts that watch over people's homes and report any suppressive or subversive activity back to the North Pole. And when you read it in one simple statement, and start to think about it, that actually sounds exactly like a police state.

Atleast that's what one professor claims.

Dr. Laura Pinto, a digital technology professor of the University of Ontario Institute of Technology  believes we are prepring our children to live in a Police State and become accustomed to the idea of modifying their behavior for fear that they might be watched at any moment.

She believes the Elf on a Shelf creates an Orwellian Christmas tradition, described as:
 "..a capillary form of power that normalizes the voluntary surrender of privacy, teaching young people to blindly accept panoptic surveillance." Now personally, I don't know what Panoptic surveilance means, but it's a big word and sounds scary so clearly this woman knows her stuff!! 
 You can Read the whole scary story here

So is it just harmless fun or are you blindly accepting "insert scary words here"  surveillance and preparing your children to live in constant fear?? I'm sure there's no right answer...but I do know this...BE AFRAID, YOU"RE PARENTING ALL WRONG!!!!!

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WEEKEND EVENTS
As I mentioned earlier, my weekend will be spent up here in the Big Apple as a baby-sit a flock of Man-Child Beach Bums from Actionville to celebrate the end of my buddy Brien's Bachelorhood. In all honesty it has been a blast so far and I'm already compiling tons of funny stories and blackmail I'll be sure to hold over their heads for years to come. In the meantime, there is still plenty of Football left to enjoy this weekend if you are so inclined.

The Big ones include:
SEC Championship - #2 Alabama  (11-1) vs #18 Florida Gators (10-2) - 4 pm EST
While we know how this is going to end (very, very badly for the Jort Nation) it is still worth watching just for the sheer enjoyment of watching the current state of the once great Power Conference. Alabama is favored to win by 18 points, and has a 78% chancce to win according to Vegas odds. My prediction: UF scores 6 point total. Either 2 field goals or one TD and a missed extra point. And Derrick Henry runs wild, leading Bama to score over 32 points. Blow out. 
Fun Fact: If Florida Coach/Duggar family look alike Jim McElwain can pull a rabbit out of his ass and make enough magic Saturday to defeat Alabama some how, thhat would send the committe in to a Code Red Frenzy and you would see the very real scenarrio of a College Football Playoof with NO SEC Representation...hahaha. Go Gata!!
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ACC Championship - #1 Clemson Tigers (12-0) vs #10 North Carolina - 8 pm EST
This game looks to be a much better match up. While the current #1 contender for the National Title is the favorite to win, the point spread is just 5. North Carolina is not another Throw-away ACC Team. They've proven this season they're the real deal, and a legitimate threat to Clemson's perfect season. Clemson still has a 59% chance to win, but I'm going to guess this game comes down to a field goal.

Big Ten Championship - #4 Iowa (12-0) vs #5 Michigan State (11-1) - 8 pm EST
This is the one I'm looking forward to. A must Win-and-You're-In scenario for both teams. Iowa is undefeated and has remained undefeated all season, but who have they really played? This is their 1st real threat. On the other hand, there's Michigan St. A team that looks dominant one week against Oregon, flawed another in a loss against Nebraska, then persistent and powerful in great victories against rivals Michigan and the defending National Champion Ohio State Buckeyes. With a point spread of just 3.5 pts in Michigan St's favor, this will be the game of the weekend. And I would love to see Michigan St pull this off and get into the playoffs. I'm going with the Spartans on this one by a field goal.

NFL Games to Watch:
All of them. I am watching all of them. You should too. This weekend marks the End of the Regular Season for Fantasy Football and will decide who gets into the playoffs for numerous team. Every game counts and every point matters. I'll give some boasting and bashing on the results of the Fantasy Seasons next week for Our guys' league and the Ladies' league.

MEME of The WEEK​
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FAME of THE WEEK
ME!!!!

While I know I dropped the ball on meeting my deadline for this week's Corner, I think it's time I gave myself a good ol' reach around and pat myself on the back....not sure why, but that felt really awkward as I typed that out...Anywhoo-

In the past few weeks I have manged to Shame my Way to the Top, giving everyone a good laugh and setting the bar pretty high for other idiots to aspire to, but this week I think I deserve a bit of credit. I have been having an absolute blast writing these for the group over the past month and 1/2, and the best part of my week is not only getting the responses but also getting the conversation going to see everyone taking shots, making jokes and having a good time. It's one of the things I love about you all and I cherish the most with this group - our ability to have fun and laugh at ourselves and keep great conversations going. 

That being said, I have received a ton of positive responses, reactions and praise about this new tradition - as well as a few suggestions to take things a bit further. So I listened and got this thing online. As you noticed you have been reading this week's edition on my very own website. I have enabled the ability to sign up as a Member, create an icon/avatar, comment on the Corner, as well as create new topics and make suggestions on what you'd like to see in future editions. There's a brief About section that tells alittle bit of what to expect too.  I will also be uploading previous Corners and adding them to the Archive in case you feel the need to reminisce or share with loved ones and friends that may also find humor in my nonsense.

To go along with the site, I have created a Twitter Account (@CurransCorner) I will be using to send out updates, possible mid week articles/blogs and memes - a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/curranscorner) that will serve the same purpose, and an email address as well - shauncurran@curranscorner.com.  Now I realize this isn't perfect and it is a work in progress, but this is my first foray into this sort of thing so please be patient as I learn, grow and tweak this thing over time.

In all seriousness, thank you for the continued support and enthusiasm you all have shown with this. I've been having a blast and it's all because of you all. So lucky to have you all in my life :)
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SHAME of THE WEEK
Pete "The Muss-bus" Musser
Sorry my OTP amigo, your time has come and it is time for you to share in the Shame I know so well. While by most standards,Pete is the epitome of all things good in what a man should be - Loves his family, is a great husband, amazing father, scratch golfer, superb Chef, and outstanding friend. But if you look a bit close you're realize this Knight in Shining Armor has a few kinks of his own.  And I'm not talking about his his poor choice in sports teams.

Apparently its widely know in the Musser neck of the Woods that this Picture-Perfect Family man is actually a terrorizing Menace behind the wheel, destroying all thing in his path...in his driveway that is. One of the Corner's deep undercover beat reporters has been able to provide evidence of Vehicular Irresponsibility and Amazon Prime Endangerment. My source has asked to remained nameless, but she told the Corner that her husband is reckless when backing out of the garage.

Apparently mild mannered Pete Musser turns into Tony Stewart when he turns his truck on, just running shit over left and right, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.  Now unlike Tony Stewart, he hasn't killed anyone (yet) but he has killed a number of innocent packages and deliveries who's only crime were being placed in the wrong place at the right house. 

According to reports, Delivery drivers have caught wind of this and intentionally leave packages by the garage door rather than on the front porch - almost taunting and tempting Pete to destroy the things his wife works hard to order online. It's gotten so bad that this note has been seen on his garage:
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His latest victim? The custom wooden monogrammed piece Mrs Musser purchased for her sister and brother in law's housewarming. Word on the street is that this one was a doozy and almost led to an unexpected trip - straight to divorce-town USA!!! Just Kidding, but not really. haha

So Well done Pete, you have earned your spot in Curran's Corner history as one of the great names to share the Shame. SHAME!!!!
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​Well folks, that brings this weeks(late) edition to a close. I rambled on a bit longer this time so I hope you don't mind. Thanks again for letting me be a part of your weekend. I hope you enjoyed - now quit being so anti-social! Get up, get off your computer and go Savor the Day!!!

Have a great weekend, and as always - Go Noles!!!
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