If you're reading this then you are either aware that the Fantasy Football Season is coming to a close and came to see how your team did - or you have stumbled on to the wrong website. My guess is it's probably the later, but I'll continue regardless.
It's been a fun, exciting and unpredictable year of Football this season. We've seen the rise of some unexpected heroes having breakout years such as Falcon's RB Devonta Freeman, Panther's QB Cam Newton, and Jaguars WR Allen Robinson. At the same time, there have been quite a few that have noticeably fallen from grace - including Seahawks' TE Jimmy Graham, Bronco's QB Peyton Manning and basically the entire Philadelphia Eagles organization (especially DeMarco Murray). This season has seen the Rise of the Bengals, the Struggles of the Packers, and the Self-Destruction of Miami. It has been a really good year, which in turn has made for some really exciting Fantasy Football. It's been a nice escape from the reality that my real team sucks really, really bad...
It's been a fun, exciting and unpredictable year of Football this season. We've seen the rise of some unexpected heroes having breakout years such as Falcon's RB Devonta Freeman, Panther's QB Cam Newton, and Jaguars WR Allen Robinson. At the same time, there have been quite a few that have noticeably fallen from grace - including Seahawks' TE Jimmy Graham, Bronco's QB Peyton Manning and basically the entire Philadelphia Eagles organization (especially DeMarco Murray). This season has seen the Rise of the Bengals, the Struggles of the Packers, and the Self-Destruction of Miami. It has been a really good year, which in turn has made for some really exciting Fantasy Football. It's been a nice escape from the reality that my real team sucks really, really bad...
Fantasy Football is an interesting and addictive Beast. It's a weekly game of make believe - Dungeons & Dragons for Jocks & Monday Morning Quarterbacks. It is many things - but one thing it is not is predictable. You can have all the Football knowledge in the world, be a stat machine and be able to quote Adam Shefter by heart - but sometimes that isn't enough. You could have pages on pages of Draft Strategy, execute moves on the Waiver Wire with amazing proficiency and you can still lose. In the end it takes a combination of all of those skills & luck. A lot of luck. But not Andrew Luck - that guy sucks now.
Anyways, back to the point of this article - the Recap. Throughout the ramblings below we'll just go over 2 of the more prominent leagues that the Atlanta Friends Group are involved in - the Ladies Only group "The Trophy Wives Club" made up some highly competitive women, and the Dudes Only/Douchebag League "Seminole Fluid" - mostly made up of a bunch of shit talkers and shifty individuals.
Being the Gentleman I am, I'll let the Ladies go first...
Being the Gentleman I am, I'll let the Ladies go first...
The Trophy Wives League, is a 12 Team League that allows an 8 man line up of QB, WR, RB, TE, WR/TE Flex, WR/RB Flex, Kicker, & Defense. Lead by the Wonderful Woman formerly known as Greathead & her associate Mrs Ogmaratta, the league is now in it's sophomore year. Of the 12 teams, they have an extensive 8 Team Playoff Elimination that starts tonight Week 15, and ends with the regular Season of the NFL.
It wasn't always this way though...12 is much more manageable than the 14 Teams that competed last year! That is just crazy! Anyways - to handle this much "talent", they broke the leagues up into 3 Divisions, with the Division leader from each advancing, and the rest of the spots occupied by teams according to record and points.
Divisions:
Pretty Is Smarter than you Think
Victorious Secret (Mrs Curran)
Erin is a Semi-Hoe (Dugan)
Cho Nation (duh)
Beginners Luck (Yudell)
Hoes Before Bros
Upper Decker (AJJ)
Dez Nuts (Chelsea)
Back That Pass Up (Name With-held)
Tace of Base (duh)
The Wealth is Real
Forte Shades of Grey (Laura)
Sacks in the City (Addison)
Bangs Bangs Bangs (Erin)
Captain Gina Marie (duh)
Some very funny and ironic names. My two favorites are the "Funny-Cause-it's-True" name of Dugan's team (love you Erin) and the pure Irony of Yudell's name. Why is that ironic? Maybe because the name Beginners Luck implied she has found some sort of luck from the start becoming an overnight success/prodigy. However this could not be further from the truth as she has finished firmly in Last Place for the second year in a row. Congrats Jenn.
It wasn't always this way though...12 is much more manageable than the 14 Teams that competed last year! That is just crazy! Anyways - to handle this much "talent", they broke the leagues up into 3 Divisions, with the Division leader from each advancing, and the rest of the spots occupied by teams according to record and points.
Divisions:
Pretty Is Smarter than you Think
Victorious Secret (Mrs Curran)
Erin is a Semi-Hoe (Dugan)
Cho Nation (duh)
Beginners Luck (Yudell)
Hoes Before Bros
Upper Decker (AJJ)
Dez Nuts (Chelsea)
Back That Pass Up (Name With-held)
Tace of Base (duh)
The Wealth is Real
Forte Shades of Grey (Laura)
Sacks in the City (Addison)
Bangs Bangs Bangs (Erin)
Captain Gina Marie (duh)
Some very funny and ironic names. My two favorites are the "Funny-Cause-it's-True" name of Dugan's team (love you Erin) and the pure Irony of Yudell's name. Why is that ironic? Maybe because the name Beginners Luck implied she has found some sort of luck from the start becoming an overnight success/prodigy. However this could not be further from the truth as she has finished firmly in Last Place for the second year in a row. Congrats Jenn.
The Final Standings are as follows:
Fun Facts - Dugan missed the playoffs by 53 points, and Tacy saved herself from being the biggest loser by just 28 points. That especially hurts for 3 reasons. 1 ) She knows more about football than most of my guy friends; 2) She finished 4th last year; and 3) You may not know this but she is a BIT competitive.
- Forte Shades of Grey (10-4)
- Sacks in the City (9-5)
- Victorious Secret (9-5)
- Upper Decker (8-6)
- Bangs Bangs Bangs (8-6)
- Captain Gina Marie (8-6)
- Dez Nuts (7-7)
- Back That Pass Up (6-8)
- Erin is a Semi-Hoe (6-8)
- Cho Nation (5-9)
- Tace of Bace (4-10)
- Beginners Luck (4-10)
Fun Facts - Dugan missed the playoffs by 53 points, and Tacy saved herself from being the biggest loser by just 28 points. That especially hurts for 3 reasons. 1 ) She knows more about football than most of my guy friends; 2) She finished 4th last year; and 3) You may not know this but she is a BIT competitive.
Since their playoffs just start this weekend, quick note from last year - the 8 teams that made it to the Playoffs were: 1st -Bangs, Bangs Bangs, 2nd -Italian Stallion (Shelli); 3rd - Mackin' on Meide (Jamie); 4th - Tace of Base; 5th - Upper Decker; 6th - Captain Gina Marie, 7th Cho Nation; 8th - Nelson Domination (Cercone). So congrats to the teams that repeated, and a big congrats to the new blood that made it this year!! As for Tace & Cho from 4th & 7th all the way down to 10th & 11th? SHAME!!! Seriously. Shame.
The match-ups ahead are some good ones going into the weekend.
- #1 Forte Shades of Grey (FSG) vs #8 Back That Pass Up (BTP)- FSGs Squad of Brees, Brandon Marshall & Fitzgerald take on BTP Rodgers, DeAngelo & Jordan Reed. While FSG boasts 4 more regular season wins that BTP, if they both set their line-ups (which they haven't as of Thurs Night) this could be the closest battle of the weekend - each projected at about 104+ pts each.
- #2 Sacks in the City (STC) vs #7 Dez Nuts (DZ) - This is a battle of Insight Globalites - STC having the clear edge being led by Odell, Doug Martin & the Lesser Manning is projected to win by 15 pts against DZ's team led by Dez, Gronk & Jarvis Landry.
- #3 Victorious Secret (VS) vs #6 Captain Gina Marie (CGM) - The Power Struggle - Commish vs Co/Commish. Early projections favor VS with her well balanced team of Bortles, Antonio & Gurley, but I wouldn't count out CGM with her stable of studs Big Ben, Megatron & AJ Green. This will be a good one.
- #4 Upper Decker (UD) vs #5 Bangs, Bangs, Bangs (BBB) - This one may be too close to call. This is the only match-up with two Playoff Vetrans from last year's league going head to head. UD has the immortal AP, young gun Sammy Watkin & Lamar Miller; while Bangs, Bangs, Bangs boasts Brady, Alshon & Golden Tate. One things for sure - Kate may have gotten a good laugh with her name at your expense Erin, but I'm not sure it's as funny when she's on the bench while you're back in the playoffs for a second time.
Fun Fact: Yudell just found out she is not in the playoffs Wed....as in yesterday. Here is a text from my wife's phone...hehe. Thanks for the laugh Yudell. Better Luck next year!
Here's how I see things panning out:
Back That Pass Up whips the shit out of Forte Shades of Grey, Sacks in the City slams Dez Nuts into the ground; Victorious Secret sinks the Gina Marie, and Bangs, Bangs, Bangs flushes Upper Deckers' dreams straight down the crapper. (Yes, Puns intended) Then again, I also go into every weekend thinking the Jaguars are going to win, so I might not completely understand how football works.
We'll see how right I am after this weekend. Good Luck Ladies!!! Now enough of this estrogen - On to the Dudes!!!
Back That Pass Up whips the shit out of Forte Shades of Grey, Sacks in the City slams Dez Nuts into the ground; Victorious Secret sinks the Gina Marie, and Bangs, Bangs, Bangs flushes Upper Deckers' dreams straight down the crapper. (Yes, Puns intended) Then again, I also go into every weekend thinking the Jaguars are going to win, so I might not completely understand how football works.
We'll see how right I am after this weekend. Good Luck Ladies!!! Now enough of this estrogen - On to the Dudes!!!
Seminole Fluid is a 10 man league comprised mostly of Johnson & Meide's Motley Crew of friends from college. Plus Me. And Gannon. And the Muss-Buss. So basically a bunch of dudes from Jax and Pete. Each team in this league holds a 9 man starting roster of QB, 2 WRs, 2 RBs, TE, WR/RB/TE Flex, Kicker & Defense. This rag-tag of losers has been together since 2011 and the respect for each other is only outweighed by the mutual disdain we have towards each other.
Our playoffs consist of 6 Teams battling it out starting Week 14 - so they started last week and are very much underway. So much as in real life, the Guys came first. Another difference is our top 2 seeds receive a bye in the first week, while the rest of those Jabronis fight it out. Before I recap last week, I'll start with the final Rankings heading into the playoffs:
While most of the names are self explanatory(If you don't know what mine means, Google it) there are 2 that are worth explaining.
Quick Note - Kyle stopped playing we believe around week 8 or so (and has started Le'veon Bell everyweek even though he's been on Injured Reserve for the last month & 1/2) and this is Carlos' first year in the league. Both deserve an Astericks next to their names. That means Johnson was just barely better than guy who hasn't set his lineup since October and a newbie. (2 of his wins did come against me though). Well done James, here's your trophy:
Our playoffs consist of 6 Teams battling it out starting Week 14 - so they started last week and are very much underway. So much as in real life, the Guys came first. Another difference is our top 2 seeds receive a bye in the first week, while the rest of those Jabronis fight it out. Before I recap last week, I'll start with the final Rankings heading into the playoffs:
- Boomshakalaka (11-2) - Fullman
- Cleveland Steamers (9-4) - Me
- PFFFFFFFFFFT (8-5) - Gannon
- MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (7-6) - Muss-Buss
- WetDownGetDown (7-6) - Meide
- Sophia's Food Stamps (6-7) - Corini
- Testes McNutsack (6-7) - Greg the Commish
- Josh Groban (6-7) - Braunstein
- Bortle Combat (5-8) - Will
- Cal Naughton Jr (5-8) - James
- Sally2Dicks (4-9) Carlos
- Hold My Dick Butkus (4-9) - Kyle
While most of the names are self explanatory(If you don't know what mine means, Google it) there are 2 that are worth explaining.
- PFFFFFFFFFT is phonetically pronounced as it sounds & loosely translates into 🐒💨. Gannon's trademark throughout the 1st few weeks of the season (while undefeated) was giving an in-depth analysis of each teams performance by pointing out who shit the bed that week and gave them a Farting Monkey logo (much like a good work in grade school got you a Gold Star, bad games in Fantasy give you a Farting Monkey).
- MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 has been the Muss-Buss' name that he changes it to the week he plays Meide. You may not know this about Meide, but he is an avid shit talker. He gives pre-Draft predictions, post-draft analysis, and lights up the message boards with his word vomit. He talks alot of shit - and sometimes backs it up. However when push comes to shove, he has never won a championship. And that's what Pete's team name means...MBraunstein has 2; MFullman has 2; Pete has 1, MMeide has 0. Maybe this year he can add a number to those initials...maybe...
Quick Note - Kyle stopped playing we believe around week 8 or so (and has started Le'veon Bell everyweek even though he's been on Injured Reserve for the last month & 1/2) and this is Carlos' first year in the league. Both deserve an Astericks next to their names. That means Johnson was just barely better than guy who hasn't set his lineup since October and a newbie. (2 of his wins did come against me though). Well done James, here's your trophy:
As I mentioned earlier, the Playoffs kicked off last week with Fullman and I receiving some much needed rest (seriously needed for me...lost my last 3 regular season games, and only scored 74 last week...ugh) while the 4 other playoff teams fought it out.
Here's a quick Re-cap of how that went down
Here's a quick Re-cap of how that went down
- #3 PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨) vs #6 Sophia's Food Stamps (SFS) - Heading into this macth-up, the numbers nerds over at Yahoo had projected SFS to win by 5 pts. Led by Cam with 23 pts and the Steelers D at 16 pts, a few players went above projections - however due to a stale performance by Megatron & Mike Evans, (PFT) was able to capitalize with a stellar showing by Russell "The Virgin" Wilson and his 32+ pts. Brandon Marshall throwing up 18.5 didn't hurt either. In the end SFS fell to the might of 🐒💨 (106.68 - 92.6).Not a good week when your second highest score comes from your Defense. 🐒💨 moves on...
- #4 MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) vs #5 WetDownGetDown (Meide). This was the big one. The Grudge match. For weeks Meide had message board Schizophrenia, 1 week saying he's back and on his way to the Championship, the next week saying he doesn't even care this year and his team stinks. That aside, Meide called his shot 2 weeks ago that whoever won this bout would win the whole thing this year. With one championship underhis belt, Pete would enjoy a 2nd - but Meide needs this. 4 years, no Championships...it means pride and validation and so much more...So is this the MadDog's year? Nope. Not by a long shot. His 3 top scores coming from Michael Floyd, Barniddge & Alshon Jeffrey all circling 15 pts, his team was only able to muster up 86.68 pts. Pete's team, on the other hand, came to play. Led by Lamar Miller with almost 21 pts, Tyrod Taylor with 19 and his kicker scoring 12, he outscored Meide by 10. In the end, Muss wins (96.62 - 86.62).
fWith last week out of the way, the 4 remaining teams consist of Fullman, Muss-Buss, Gannon, and Me. The first 3 have made it to the playoffs each year since the league's inception. Me? Well this is my 2nd appearance. My first season led to a humiliating 12th place finish. The next year I made the playoffs and finished 3rd - and last year I had a Tacy-esque fall from grace going back to 9th. However this year, I beat all odds and made it back to the playoffs to make another run. Maybe it's because I have a lot of free time to devote to Fantasy due to my "Lack of Employment" and "Absence of Responsibilities". Or maybe it's because I got lucky. Time will Tell.
One of the more exciting developments this year was the evolution of the Trade Rape. "Trade Rape" is defined as (according to Urban Dictionary) To be taken advantage of in a most foul way while playing fantasy sports. Basically it's screwing someone over to get what you need. Usually its a lopsided trade that seems good at first glance, but is instantly regretted once accepted.
One of the more exciting developments this year was the evolution of the Trade Rape. "Trade Rape" is defined as (according to Urban Dictionary) To be taken advantage of in a most foul way while playing fantasy sports. Basically it's screwing someone over to get what you need. Usually its a lopsided trade that seems good at first glance, but is instantly regretted once accepted.
Our League has encountered this type of activity before, however I bring it up because it directly influenced the current standings in our Playoffs. It started this year Week 4 when Pete needed a WR and smelled blood in the water as my #1 draft pick Marshawn Lynch was under performing and hurt. So Pete offered me Rawls (Seattle's' then Backup RB) as a Lynch handcuff, in exchange for Eric Decker. Decker went on to blow up thhat week while Rawls fizzled. I had been Trade Raped. And it hurt.
Down but not out, I shook it off, made a plan to redeem myself and set my eyes on a Big Fish. My QB was Luck, but he had gotten hurt Week 3 and I had a feeling this was not his year. Meide drafted Luck last year and killed it all season, and seeing that success I snagged him myself for this year - but it was shaping out to be a bust. So with Luck gone, Meide took Brady. Knowing Meide's love for talking shit and proving me wrong, I conceived a plan to get the 4 time Super Bowl Champ. With a little bit of scheming, a bit of deception, and a whole lot of ego stroking, I managed to convince MadDog to Trade me Tom Brady and Alfred Morris in exchange for Andrew Luck and Alshon Jeffrey. Jeffrey still managed to produce, and Morris was a bust - but Brady made all the difference, sharing the spotlight on my team with FSU alum Devonta Freeman.
With my Trade Boner going strong, I turned my attention back to Pete in Week 5 and aimed to right what had been wronged. I told him I'm over Lynch & Rawls and they were available. My target? Antonio Brown. He was RB hungry and Brown was still out, so there was huge upside. So we decided on a trade - I gave him James Jones (Greenbay), Lynch & Rawls in exchange for Pete handing me Antonio, Crabtree & David Johnson.
Down but not out, I shook it off, made a plan to redeem myself and set my eyes on a Big Fish. My QB was Luck, but he had gotten hurt Week 3 and I had a feeling this was not his year. Meide drafted Luck last year and killed it all season, and seeing that success I snagged him myself for this year - but it was shaping out to be a bust. So with Luck gone, Meide took Brady. Knowing Meide's love for talking shit and proving me wrong, I conceived a plan to get the 4 time Super Bowl Champ. With a little bit of scheming, a bit of deception, and a whole lot of ego stroking, I managed to convince MadDog to Trade me Tom Brady and Alfred Morris in exchange for Andrew Luck and Alshon Jeffrey. Jeffrey still managed to produce, and Morris was a bust - but Brady made all the difference, sharing the spotlight on my team with FSU alum Devonta Freeman.
With my Trade Boner going strong, I turned my attention back to Pete in Week 5 and aimed to right what had been wronged. I told him I'm over Lynch & Rawls and they were available. My target? Antonio Brown. He was RB hungry and Brown was still out, so there was huge upside. So we decided on a trade - I gave him James Jones (Greenbay), Lynch & Rawls in exchange for Pete handing me Antonio, Crabtree & David Johnson.
Why am I telling you this (aside from bragging just a bit)? Well because when Pete and I traded he was 1-3, struggling to win. Meide was 2-2 and I was 3-1. After that Pete went on to win 6 more and coast into 4th place, and I went on to clinch a 1st round bye with 2nd place. If those trades didn't happen, I wouldn't even have made the playoffs withour Brady & Antonio. Jameis would have been my QB, and Travis Benjamin would be my other receiver. As far as Meide? While Brady wouldn't have helped him win last week, who's to say he wouldn't have gone on to get a first round by had he not made that trade. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...Thanks boys!!
Moving on - this weekend's match ups.
- #1 Boomshakalaka (BS) vs #4 MB2 MF1 PM1 MM0 (Muss) -This is the battle of the Titans. There are 3 Championship titles between these 2 behemoths, and they are both itching for another Trophy to put on that mantle. BS is led by the great Carson Palmer, Shady McCoy, and DeAndre Hopkins. Will they be able to fend off the force of Ryan Fitzpatrick, Lamar Miller & Chandrick West? Yahoo thinks not, giving BS a leg up with a projections of (104.79 vs 93.24).
- #2 Cleveland Steamers (Me) vs #3 PFFFFFFFFT (🐒💨). This one is a fight to the death between childhood friends. Me and 🐒💨 go way back, and this could be the end of that bromance. Led by Brady, Devonta & Antonio my team is poised to have a good week and jump out of my 3 game losing streak (4 if you compared my score last week to anyone's else). That being said, it may be no match for 🐒💨' squad of Wilson, Fitzgerald and Ivory. Yahoo gives me a slight edge but it's not enough to make a difference.
As far as my predictions this week?
In the Muss vs BS match up...Fitzpatrick is going to throw all over the Dallas D, and Decker is sure to benefit. Not to mention Charcandrick West against Baltimore. Palmer and DeAndre Hopkins are good, but DeAndre faces the Colts and has never scored a TD against their Defennse (and probably won't this week with TJ Yates as his QB) and Palmer faces a newly motivated Eagles Defense. I give Muss-Buss the edge in favorable match-ups, and see him taking this one.
As far as my match-up? Well, 🐒💨 is Doubling Down on the Jets run game, starting both Bilal Powell & Chris Ivory which could make or break him...and he is starting Brandon Marshall. Basically his whole weekend relies on the Jets. If Dallas shows up it's game over or he blows me away if they don't....and Wilson is about to explode....but Brady (and NE Defense which I have) faces Tennessee, Devonta Freeman faces the Jags awful D and my #2 WR Allen Robinson is going against a Falcons team that gave up 4 weeks ago. And I'll take Antonio against the Broncos D that couldnt shut down he Raiders. With that in mind, I think I got this one and will be fighting next week for my 1st Championship title in Seminole Fluid.
But what do I know. I make this stuff up as I go.
In the Muss vs BS match up...Fitzpatrick is going to throw all over the Dallas D, and Decker is sure to benefit. Not to mention Charcandrick West against Baltimore. Palmer and DeAndre Hopkins are good, but DeAndre faces the Colts and has never scored a TD against their Defennse (and probably won't this week with TJ Yates as his QB) and Palmer faces a newly motivated Eagles Defense. I give Muss-Buss the edge in favorable match-ups, and see him taking this one.
As far as my match-up? Well, 🐒💨 is Doubling Down on the Jets run game, starting both Bilal Powell & Chris Ivory which could make or break him...and he is starting Brandon Marshall. Basically his whole weekend relies on the Jets. If Dallas shows up it's game over or he blows me away if they don't....and Wilson is about to explode....but Brady (and NE Defense which I have) faces Tennessee, Devonta Freeman faces the Jags awful D and my #2 WR Allen Robinson is going against a Falcons team that gave up 4 weeks ago. And I'll take Antonio against the Broncos D that couldnt shut down he Raiders. With that in mind, I think I got this one and will be fighting next week for my 1st Championship title in Seminole Fluid.
But what do I know. I make this stuff up as I go.
Well that's it for the Re-Cap. Thanks for sticking around to the end if you did. Goodluck to everyone playing this week and may the Gods of Fantasy look down on you favorably this weekend.
